one down, eleven to go

I can't believe it's the end of January already. At this rate, I'll be done my contracts and in Chicago before I know what hit me. I need to start making some plans for this year. Maybe contribute to an RSP or something adult-like.

"Alone in the wilderness" is on right now. In contrast to the last time I watched it, I realise that I'm just not wired to be alone completely. Extreme isolation is not appealing and when I don't talk to people for a few days I start to lose it.

With my stupid work hours, I haven't talked to many people lately. It was really getting me down this week, yet in true Scorpio fashion I did nothing to remedy it. I'm always happier when I talk to/see friends, so I can't really figure out why I'm so lazy to make the effort. Zut.

Last night I met up with my friend for a drink at the Gun & Tackle and then a movie at Vancity. We saw one of the most depressing films I've seen for a while, "Ballast." All the rage at Sundance, I'm not sure it was the best film to see this week, but it was nice to hang out with my friend. We talked about other movies of interest and I mentioned one about an overweight black girl who gets pregnant and then physically abused by her mother; my friend said, "You had me at overweight black girl!" That made me howl. My other friend called before the film to see if I wanted to meet up after, so headed to my friend's friend's house to drink beer and hang out. Pretty fun.

Looks like there's lots of stuff going on in the next few weeks. The singalong on Monday (hopefully!), TP's art opening on Thursday, the 12-course Chinese banquet on Friday with my Langara co-workers, Jason & Debbie's Antarctica party on Saturday... Guess I should start thinking about going to rock shows again at some point. Being busy is infinitely better than watching TV on a Saturday night.

letting sunshine in/overcoming the doldrums

For the last little while I've been feeling altogether unmotivated. I don't know if I'm fighting a cold or just depressed, but the thought of leaving my house and/or doing anything, even things that are good for me, makes me uneasy. I've not been to the gym this week at all, despite having the last three mornings free, and haven't left my house except for work. Yuck.

This morning, though, I stumbled upon a couple of new blogs that made me feel a little more hopeful. One is a food blog from Estonia that has loads of yummy recipes, and she forages wild fruit and mushrooms, something I love. The other is from a photographer in Brooklyn that just seems happy and sweet and does fun, simple things to make other people's lives a little nicer.

After reading those (instead of hauling my bum to the gym), I remembered I had a chocolate bar hoarded from work yesterday, remnants of a going away party I couldn't attend. As good a time as any to break it out. Bittersweet chocolate is starting to appeal to me, and I liked the idea of chipotle in chocolate. I keep looking at that Lindt bar with chili peppers and thinking, today I should get that, but then talk myself out of it. This one had a very subtle pepper taste in the ganache filling; I would have liked something a bit more obvious. It also reminds me I still have a packet of Mayan chili hot chocolate mix in my cupboard from a chocolate shop in Toronto. This may be the week to concoct it.

I also got a book out of the library earlier this week, but didn't get a chance to look through it right away. It's got some cute things that I'd like to try, most things involving felt. My supply of felt is slightly dwindled from previous projects, but there's probably still enough to complete one of each project in the book. I'm also buoyed by the suggestion that someone I know might want to get some of the ornaments I made for gifts this year. I'm thinking about it, but can't imagine anyone would want to pay what it costs in labour. I need to price it out. The projects might also be a little too cutesy for me and I'd really need to sell these outside a preschool because I don't know anyone who would actually want some of the stuff in this book. Not that they're disgusting or anything; just too much. It's a Japanese book translated into English, so some of the captions are kind of hilarious and a lot of the projects make me think of what elementary school children carried around. Last I checked, I'm not a small Japanese child. But spending as much time around this stuff as I did, I'm still partial to cuter things than someone of my age should. At least I don't have stuffed animals displayed around my house (and, if I owned a car, I wouldn't have a cemetery of sun-faded stuffed animals in my car window, either).

I should really make the mac & corn casserole I meant to make on Monday (but felt unmotivated to do) so I have something for lunch tomorrow. I'm teaching two classes at Bennett tomorrow and meeting the boy with Sideshow Bob hair for coffee between. It will be the first time we've spoken in 1 1/2 years. Eek.

rash decisionmaking

I'm a total liar.

I keep saying how I'm so broke and that I'm supposed to fix my finances this year so I'm not in the lurch with my sporadic workplaces when contracts end. This seems to be true in my mind, that I've got some financial instability and such. It may be true; it's hard to know when I have uneven paychecks going in and out six times a month. But apparently I don't believe it enough.

This morning I booked a trip to Chicago at the end of April. Last May I vowed I'd go back before the end of July to see the "Chic Chicago" exhibit at the Chicago History Museum. I don't often let on how obsessed I still am with historic costume, but it's quite intense, I assure you. I've had to ignore it to allow myself to function because, as with most things I obsess about, I am wholly consumed by such interests and have a hard time thinking of anything else. Dior's New Look? Love it in full, binding and padding and all. Charles Frederick Worth is IT. I've got the image of a dress from the Met Costume Institute permanently imprinted in my mind. I can't wait.

Of course, I'm not going to Chicago only for the clothing exhibit. I'm also going to look at the cemetery. I'm plotting out my route now so I can see the gravestones of everyone I want to see. The last time I was there the weather was terrible the day we were by the cemetery (graveyard, if you wish) and neither of us wanted to trudge through the mud and rain. My friend's car also had some issues, thanks to his brother-in-law, so we couldn't take the trip out of town for a Frank Lloyd Wright tour he had planned. I'm hoping to remedy these things this time.

So I've got three months to save up pennies and pay down my debt.

under the cover of fog

It's been a pretty good week. Lots of little things add up.

Work is going OK. My first day at Bennett was pretty low-key, but I did spend some time on the desk and on virtual reference and that was OK. It's a little more stressful there because there are a lot more people who don't know how to use the library and the questions are a bit more involved than Fraser Library. I'll be teaching in a couple of weeks, which is kind of nerve-wracking, but I'm trying to remember that I used to teach for a living and it will probably be OK. Until I feel comfortable with how things work I'll probably still have a bit of anxiety about it all. What's kind of neat about working on the top of the mountain is that, while the city has been under a blanket of fog for a week, SFU gets full days of sun. It was amazing to go out for my break and have sunshine on my face. Seeing the fog hanging over the city makes the weird commute satisfying.

Friday I stopped off in Metrotown after work to pick up groceries, but was overcome by the lines at Superstore and decided to just look at a clothing store and get out of there. I found a pair of decent jeans for around $7, which wound up being half price, so jeans for $3.50. This happens sometimes and I'm so cheap that I can rationalise buying jeans for under $10, regardless of how they look. These looked pretty OK and just need a little hemming. I headed home and started making dinner for the movie night I planned with my friend. The food turned out pretty good (fragrant jasmine rice and jerked tofu. Smelled amazing), but the tofu I probably wouldn't make again because it took me two days to get all the marinade off the pan. We watched a doc about a little girl who painted and then "Nanook of the North," which is my new favourite movie. Love it SO MUCH. I joked I was going to get her a huge knife for her birthday tomorrow, and just might if I can find one that will cut through walrus meat. Such a fun time.

Yesterday I got my hair dealt with. What's always weird is that, months after I get my hair done, I start to get a barrage of compliments on my hair. The last couple of weeks I had a number of people asking about where I get my hair done because it looked good, and then of course I have to schedule a haircut and change it. Sigh. I don't care what my hair person does to my hair, truly, because I can't really do anything with it myself and she knows better than me. She's working my hair toward what she calls an ultra mullet, which is short bangs and a gradual cutting away of the sides to a long back. I think it's funny. We'll see what happens.

Last night I had my friends over for a night of baking and movie-watching. It may sound weird to bake on a Saturday night, but it was a lot of fun and we were all anxious to get more of that chocolate bourbon cake. I know I talk about it a lot, but it's such a nice cake. We accompanied our baking with bourbon and coke, and watched "Let's go to prison," which seems even funnier to watch since my friend is now a cop. It's a pretty hilarious film; can't believe I'd never seen it before. Rich showed photos of his last summer on the fire squad in Hope as we finished off the last of the bourbon. He and Christy kindly suffered through my long summary of why sumo is awesome. They're really great. Rich said he finally got called by VPL, 4 1/2 months after he applied for on-call, and the day of that orientation is the day he gets sworn in for the VPD. (Apparently they have the ceremony on the news every year, so I'm exited to see him on TV.) So he can't even work as a librarian because they took so long to hire him. Crazy.

This morning I had a brunch date with my newish work friend, Trish. She made a tasty cheesy mushroom strata and yummy potatoes, and we had orange juice and bubbly champagne-type stuff. She's got an awesome apartment with lots of cool art that made me so jealous of her co-op. I took a piece of the cake for her as a thank you, but she deserved so much more; she's a really fantastic hostess. We compared projects and had a good chat with lots of laughs. We decided to wander around 4th for a bit and then got London Fogs and walked around a park near her house. The fog was creepy and unexpected after having sun all morning and part of the afternoon. A really great day with a fun friend!

I'm excited to see TP tomorrow after work for dinner and a catch-up. I've wanted to go to the restaurant that took over Aurora Bistro's space and she suggested we try it. I'm just interested to see what kind of a nightmare the trip to and from Surrey is going to be now that the Pattullo is closed indefinitely. Wish me luck.

mix-up

My brain is a sieve. I told a friend I'd call him the next day and that was, like, 2 weeks ago. Craaaaap. I keep forgetting what day it is, what time I have to work on any given day. Things are starting to blur together. I'd think I was crazy if it were possible to be crazy when you think you're crazy.

Yesterday I went to see "The Wrestler" with my friend. I had intended to go by myself, but then asked him at the last second to be inclusive. (I realise I do this a lot, asking people to do things when I don't expect them to say yes. Like the asking is really all that matters. Most of the time I don't know what to say when people say yes because I make mental plans to do things alone sometimes and the addition of another person throws me off. Then I start to worry that if they have a bad time or don't enjoy whatever it is I invited them to that they will blame me and badmouth me to other people, and then when I actually do want people to do stuff with me they won't because I've built a reputation of having bad taste in social activities. Guess I should go back to counselling... Actually, since this year I'll be doing things regardless whether or not people come with, I guess it won't matter as much.) I was a little nervous about his potential enjoyment when he was surprised to hear that Mickey Rourke was in the film. "Isn't he, like, 80 or something?" he asked. I assured him that, despite the plastic surgery, I was pretty sure he was only in his 50s. He asked if I was sure because he'd been around for a long time.

It was at this point that I realised his confusion. He thought I meant Mickey Rooney. I tried not to laugh in his face. Imagine Mickey Rooney in "The Wrestler." How awesome would that be?

My friend really like the movie and we discussed it on the way to Artigiano for hot drinks before I had to go to work. Note to self: don't get the hot chocolate at Artigiano because it's never chocolaty enough. I liked the movie, but it made me sad and feel sort of hopeless.

What's weird today: Dustin Hoffman said something in an interview about Arp relationships. I wondered what that was, so did a search. Holy crap, it was kind of freaky because the first link basically outlined my feelings toward relationships (except for that little bit about physical activity), even though I don't think it's what DH was referring to. Still... It creeped me out.

Because of my most recent hydro bill, I've turned my heat down again to a balmy 13'C. I'll turn it down more if I have to; that bill was SCARY. I'd rather leave my faucet trickling than pay another bill like that. To potential visitors: I'll turn it up for you, but otherwise I'm aiming to be down to 10'C, depending on the weather. I'd turn it off completely if that weren't crazy in the middle of January.

parchment paper & cooling racks

I'm surprised by my post of Friday night/Saturday morning. I have no idea how I managed to write in full sentences. I actually couldn't even remember writing it and was surprised to see it in the morning.

Yesterday I woke up with a slight ache in the head, but quickly drank some water and took some pills, and then had some chocolate milk and a banana. That didn't cause any trauma. When I got to work I had an egg mcmuffin thing with sausage because I really needed the fat and I felt a lot better after. I didn't mind directing people all day at work, my first and perhaps only shift on my old floor. After work I went for dinner and a drink with Eileen at the Black Frog. We had a good chat and realised that $3.75 sleeves are a pretty decent deal (though I had a caesar... hair of the dog or such).

Today after work I made a casserole with peppered salmon tips, peas, onions, mushrooms and lemon. It's pretty nice, fairly flavourful, which is good since I have enough to feed me everyday for a week. After I did a couple of loads of dishes (pre-cooking and post-cooking), I decided to use up the lemon zest sitting in my fridge and made lemon bars. They're cooling now. I have to figure out if I can freeze them or not. It's unrealistic for me to eat them all (I'm trying to not be fat), and they'll only last a couple of days if they're not dealt with. What to do, what to do? Maybe I'll test them in the freezer. Or... what would Dorie Greenspan do? Hmm...

It appears Dorie Greenspan would also eat them in two days or less. Frick.

Why must I love to bake? It's such a hindrance to my well-being. I mean, it makes me happy, but dealing with the baking afterwards... so hard. Maybe I should have drop-in hours at my house. Normally I would take some into work, but I haven't actually seen any of those people eat or drink anything. They could be androids and my pushing lemon bars could make them malfunction and try to kill me. It's possible.

My work hours are so weird the next while. I don't have a full day off until Saturday and I've already planned large portions of my weekend to take full advantage of the days off. I was thinking of trying to get more hours at VPL, but if I do I don't know when I'll do such basic things as laundry or seeing people. Or baking.

ugh

Oh cripes, is it possible to be undead, because I feel so unwell. Like, someone had to walk me to the taxi and I brushed him off unwell. I called my friend when I got home and he didn't think any time had passed, but it had, about 15 minutes worth, and I feel so unwell... Oh crap, I wish I didn't feel so crappy.

After work I met friends at the Old Admiral and I can tell you that the old admiral special beer is Black Label, which spells trouble right there. The Jager shots didn't help. The lack of dinner or snacks post-12:30pm or water also assisted in me feeling slightly undead. How the hell am I going to work tomorrow? I have no fricking idea. Gahhhhhhhhh.

Why won't the room stop spinning?

pump it up

Gosh, I'm so full of tea right now. This is the first time I've gotten to the bottom of a full pot of tea without it going cold, thanks to the attractive tea cozy Rachel gave me for Christmas (thanks, Rach!). With the ridiculous wind today I needed to get warm, so had a shower and fixed myself a pot of tea. Mmm... tea...

I don't really like hot things, so it's funny that I'd want my tea pot to stay hot, but I like a lot of milk in my tea (probably because I don't like it hot) and it has to be a certain temperature for ideal conditions. Really, it stems from my childhood when my sister and I would have tea parties with mini china sets (probably why I love china now, now that I think about it) and would be alloted just one mini pot of tea between the two of us. To stretch out the party, we would put just a dash of tea into the cups and fill up the rest with milk and sugar, concocting a sugary milk with a slightly beige tinge. We were allowed to have as much milk as we wanted, but the tea was strictly rationed. Mom really should have rationed the sugar.

This evening I had an orientation at the fitness centre up the street from my house. I don't know what I was expecting. Obviously not an hour-long workout because at the last minute I thought I should put on some track pants just in case, and it's a good thing I did. The person I was scheduled with wasn't there; instead, I got Dave who is a nice young man who looked far too cool to be working in a gym at the community centre, wearing jeans and a cap. He made me do a full workout, documenting it all so I can do it for the next 6 weeks without him. He said that he probably was supposed to just show me how to turn on the machines and stuff, but that didn't seem very productive. Frick, working out is HARD. I've never actually had someone go through what I should be doing for results. He promised that if I follow this routine I will feel better and start to firm up. Woohoo! Firming up!

Guess I need to cut back on sugar in my tea.

Today I had training at UBC for an online reference service, so checked with my friend Shirin if I could meet her for lunch. It just so happened that she was meeting Eileen and Heidi at the same time that I had my break, so I got three excellent ladies at once. Riding the B-Line out to UBC I realised that I don't miss UBC at all. It just seems so cold and foreign. I'm kind of glad I didn't get that job there; I really like Langara and I think SFU has a lot of potential. I mean, I spend a majority of my time in new(ish)ly constructed libraries, so they're pretty to look at, which is a HUGE bonus at work. I know UBC has the Barber Centre and all, but... it's just different. I don't like that building as much.

I am still keeping my eye open for jobs in Dubai. There were a couple of postings for Qatar that I don't have enough experience for, but am interested in. Would be so rad... except for the no-drinking thing.

once a cheater...

My admission for the day: I'm a cheater. It's almost shameful. Almost.

This morning I decided to make something that I can take to work the next couple of days. Perusing the recipes on my "to make" pile, I saw that I actually had all the ingredients for one I had planned to make before Christmas, but didn't when socialising broke out. So I set to work.

I'm not sure where I got this recipe from, since I didn't reference it as I sometimes do. It's pretty simple: rice, chicken stock, mozzarella, egg yolks, parmesan, ham, parsley and salt & pepper. The thing that makes me a cheater is that it's called risotto, but I didn't make it even close to the traditional way. I added hot broth to the arborio rice, heated to boiling, and covered it like regular rice. Surprisingly, with everything else added when the rice was cooked, it had the same consistency as other yummy risottos I've had before. Start to finish, it was 20 minutes. My shame is exposed. Yet I will make this again, likely with variations.

This week I also have a book out from the library that I'm thinking of buying. "Casserole crazy" is pretty self-explanatory, full of one-dish baked things. I've always been a fan of casseroles, likely because my mom made a decent number when I was growing up, and I don't like dirtying numerous dishes for a meal. The one I had wanted to make today (before deciding on the risotto) was a mac & corn dish that sounded pretty decent and easy.

I think I like the idea of casseroles because there's usually enough food for a small commune of people, making them seem like a really social foodtype. I probably also like the book because it's written by a Brooklyn hipster-type who has weekly casserole parties with friends and an annual casserole competition. I often think I should have people over for dinner, but fear that whatever I make won't be enough or will be less than satisfactory to at least one, if not all, attendees. Will see.

Maybe if I liked wine more, this wouldn't be an issue.

alone, on being

The only thing I promised myself this year (I refuse to call it a resolution because I don't believe in resolutions) is to spend more time doing things I like, regardless if I'm alone, and being OK with that. I'm thinking specifically about going out to eat at restaurants I like alone, going on with plans when people cancel, and just doing whatever I normally would feel uncomfortable doing alone. I've been OK with going to rock shows alone or movies alone, but a more pronounced, obvious aloneness has always made me feel weird. I'm going to try to make it feel more normal this year.

Last Friday I had a really good meal with TP at a newish restaurant on Main called Grub. We barely even looked at the print menu, instead hemming and hawing over the tasty-looking daily specials on the blackboard. We both decided on the pork: stuffed pork chops with parsnip risotto and asparagus. It was so good! And apparently it appealed to a lot of people because we got the last two chops. The guys at the next table expressed their disappointment audibly when the waitress crossed it off the menu and they kept looking at ours while we ate. I'd like to go again and see what other specials they have on a different day; every dish I saw looked amazing. I'm trying to find comparable stuffed pork chops recipes that I can make at home. Mmm...

Yesterday I started at SFU and it went pretty OK. Funnily, the easiest questions were the hardest to answer. I kind of like that campus. The building itself is spectacular; Bing Thom designed it and in nicer weather I'm sure the light coming in is amazing. It's kind of fun to work in a colourful library.

After work, I took the train downtown and parked myself at the Railway ridiculously early for the singalong. Lucky thing I got there so early because the place started to fill up shortly after I arrived and I had to fend off people trying to take over my table. I was relieved when the other girls showed up. It was a lot of fun and almost all the songs were ones I'd have wanted to sing anyway. Claire took notes for a playlist and Sara shared the scoop on an addictive children's program that she got hooked on in Scotland. (She brought back packets of instant Bird's Custard for me in light of my disastrous attempt when making custard for my birthday trifle. Such a sweet girl!) We had Rock Creek cider (yum!) and a good chat. On a trip to the w/c, I fell into a conversation with a couple of drunk women who told me I was lucky not to have wrinkles (apparently, according to them, I won't get wrinkles because I have bags under my eyes) and I looked 25. Uh huh, I totally believe drunks. We got into a conversation about relationships and breakups (one of the women was newly separated from her husband whom she's been with for 14 years; she's 31) and how it would be nicer if people in Vancouver would talk to each other more easily. The night slowed shortly after, with people not singing "I Want Candy" and the band stopping playing mid-song. Sara and Lorne drove me home when Sara's head started drooping from jetlag.

This morning I woke with a sore head. From a pint and two ciders! Guess I should stick with hard liquor.

Am hoping to see "The Wrestler" this week when it opens and to meet up with my friend with news that he's a cop. Can't wait for the stories when that happens.

in brief

People kept looking at me oddly today. I know I didn't spontaneously become disfigured, so perhaps they loved my awesome slept-on hair.

At least three people semi-stalked me at work today. One made a point of letting me know he'd seen me on another floor.

Daily observation: many people ride up escalators with their hands resting on their hips. Probably 87% of all escalator riders.

Around 92% of all recipes I want to make this week include cheese as an ingredient.

I really want to see "The Wrestler" when it comes out, which coincides with a local amateur wrestling league's wrestling night just days later. Wrestling on the brain.

The desperation for warm, dry feet is making me look at Sorels. This week the temperature is supposed to rise to 9'C, so it's a battle of will: wait for the snow to melt into a big wet mess and suffer through with rain boots or cave and buy winter boots I'll likely only wear a few more days with the potential for more snowy weather later in the month. It will depend on MEC having the ones I like in my size shipped here.

Tomorrow I hope to become smarter when I start helping smart people find stuff that will make them smarter.

My friend gave me the niftiest hat yesterday that actually goes with pretty much every coat I own. Remarkable!

People dress abysmally in the winter here. Why are people so afraid to wear something bright or at least slightly coloured? No wonder people start to lose their shit by the end of January.

I just made a surprisingly tasty meal with a $0.72 sole fillet, chickpeas and cumin (among other ingredients) alongside a green salad with a dressing shaken in a jam jar. I never make dressings that way, but will from now on because it's just more fun to throw things into a jar and see what happens. I revisited the recipe index on everybody likes sandwiches and this was one of the recipes I decided to make this week. I'm also going to try a ham & cheese spoonbread if I can find smoked paprika.

2009: 1, me: 0

This year is already off to a bad start. Incidents of the last 24 hours:

1) During a trip out to SFU Surrey to see where I'll be working next week, everything was OK. I got to campus, walked around the building, couldn't see the library, so asked the security guard approximately where it was in the locked building. He told me the university was closed. I said I knew that, but wondered, roughly, where the library was. He repeated that it was closed, but on the first floor "over there" with a gesture. I asked if those were the stairs that led to the library "over there" and he repeated AGAIN that the university was closed. I said that I had to be at campus next week and just wanted to know how to get to the library because I didn't have a lot of time to hunt for it next week. He said it was hard to miss. I disagreed silently. Then I asked where there were any washrooms in the complex and he repeated his mantra, to which I said I meant in the entire structure (it's a big building with shops) and he said, "There are lots." Fucker. I just went back to the Skytrain to transport me away from hell.

2) On the Skytrain, a young man sat beside me with his music so loud that, even with my iPod plugged into my ears, his drowned out mine. I covered my ear with my fluffy mitten and that helped. Things were fine until we stopped at a raised station and he went to the open door and blindly flung his half-drunk bourgie drink off the platform onto the busy street below. And then he plunked himself down beside me again and turned his music up even louder. My teeth are sore from jaw clenching.

3) During a brief MSN conversation with a friend, who signed onto MSN specifically to talk to me, we got into a fight because he was talking to his girlfriend (who he's been with since Tuesday) instead of me. I pointed out that he said he signed on to talk to me so I didn't understand why he wasn't actually talking to me. He said he couldn't sustain two conversations at once, so I said I'd talk to him next week (since I work all weekend). He accused me of being passive-aggressive and gave me a lecture about how I wasn't angry at him; I was angry that I wasn't getting enough attention. His tactic is actually a form of verbal abuse, but I refrained from mentioning that and instead said I had plans this weekend that will keep me away from the computer and that I'd talk to him next week. Guh.

I'm not a terrible person, I'm not a terrible person, I'm not a terrible person...

Today I'm going to venture out for boots I can't afford before work because I'm tired of having wet feet from my subpar "winter" boots or slipping in my rain boots. Will this weather ever end?

i should have gone home a long time ago

I had all these thoughts last evening that would summarise last year in a succinct way. Unfortunately I didn't write any of them down and they disappeared into my brain. Stupid brain.

Last night was low-key, but really nice. As soon as I got home from work I fixed myself a double gimlet and talked to Rachel about our evening's plans. I went to their house after I chugged back the drink in less than a minute, and was well-fed by her mom and handed a gin & tonic almost immediately after arriving. We went to Fifth Ave for a movie, thinking we'd be the only ones there. (Our thinking was that we wanted to be away from the house, but not in line or have to pay just to be in a place we would normally drink for free.) Lucky we gave ourselves so much time because the film sold out, the place completely packed. We downed Milk Duds and Twizzlers, and basked in the warmth of the theatre. We got out slightly before midnight; they went west, I went east. I got to Main around 11:53 and decided to walk the rest of the way home. I didn't miss the cheering, the watching couples kiss, the forced jubilation. I hummed to myself as I walked, nodding to the man outside the 7-11 who hid from the sleet under the shop's overhang. I stopped for the light on 16th and watched fireworks erupt from the roof of a building up the street. I walked down the middle of my street, singing a Rose Melberg song, foot in front of foot down the snow wells. Everything was timed nicely and unfolded in the best way.

Timing is a funny thing. I often get annoyed when I miss a bus by seconds or am left to wait for people for extended lengths. But when everything lines up and the timing is right... I love that. Last year there was a fair bit of good timing as far as work went. Things happened as best they could under the circumstances. This is something to be thankful for.

What has been a reoccurring issue is my poor timing with relationships. This year alone I've had two people talk about wanting to marry me in our later years, once their current relationships end. I dislike these discussions because it's not like this makes me feel particularly special, being second best. I've also been the meantime for a couple of people who were between relationships; it's not flattering to be the one to make someone realise what they actually want in a relationship because it's not me. Perhaps I missed my calling as a relationship counsellor. That's just the way things go.

As a friend pointed out, at the start of 2008 I didn't think anything would happen, so it's been a much more eventful year than I thought it would be. I guess I can just consider them notches or mental notes or something less detrimental than mistakes. I'm learning something from all of them.

I only really regret one incident with one person from last year, mainly because he's a jackass. But I don't see him anymore anyway, and his complete ridiculousness has made for some excellent stories.

My friend keeps saying he's got a good feeling that something big is going to happen for me this year. For the first time in a long time, I'm excited to see what happens.