chop chop

My hearing is shot. I had earplugs in my hand tonight and then in the haste of getting the rock out of my house I put them in the wrong bag. Drat.

Tonight was the Lykke Li show I've been so excited about. Though for just a few minutes, as I napped on the couch, I thought about just staying home. But the ticket was expensive by my standards and I really did want to see her.

When I got to the venue I decided to get a drink. One gin & tonic cost me $7.25. Fuck, I hate Richard's. I sulked and sipped my drink while people bumped into me and stepped in front of me while I waited for the show. I heard the opening notes of "The Killing Moon" and looked up toward the lights reflecting off the disco ball and closed my eyes for a second. Whenever I hear that song I feel like I should be staring off at crashing waves with wind blowing through my hair, though I'm not sure why. I took it as a good omen.

Friendly Fire was fantastic. The lead singer gyrated and pelvic thrusted his way through a dancey set, making a few boys who like boys pretty excited. A good warm-up for Lykke Li, though I did find her a little dull and her voice started grating on my nerves after a while because I was right under a speaker and realised I needed a little space between it and my ridiculous ears. I was completely surprised the show was sold out; the crowd was like none I've seen: so eclectic. I didn't feel like punching anyone out, which is a change, though did visualise what I would do if someone tried to stand directly in front of me. Luckily the people around me weren't letting anyone into our area, conveniently situating themselves into an impenetrable labyrinth of limbs and bodies.

In other news, I didn't get the SFU job. I'm OK with it. In fact, I got a little anxious when I thought what I would do if I got the job. So now I don't have to wonder. I'm training next week at Langara, so I'm excited about that. Maybe I'm not cut out for full-time.

Monday night I went on the trolley tour with Nicola and Neal. It was super great to see them and catch up a bit. During the tour we discovered a few things: 1) Nicola laughs her head off when stories of blood and autopsies are discussed and 2) I seem to like stories about ax-related murders more than I think is healthy.

Maybe I should stay away from axes. They seem too efficient and I wouldn't want to risk accidentally chopping someone to pieces at a rock show.

weirdness

I'm a little out of sorts. My day was odd and just swirled into discomfort.

Today I worked in Art/History, a division I rarely work and feel so unprepared to answer questions there that I cringe when people approach me. When I headed for lunch I remembered it was Media Democracy Day, which means lots of tables set up in the promenade with socially-conscious people. I mention this because on my way back to the office with my lunch, I noticed the boy with Sideshow Bob hair whom I dated badly last year. He was reading something so he either didn't see me or was pretending he didn't see me. I thought for a moment that I should go over and be polite or to see if he would squirm. But I didn't. I walked on, immediately feeling a sinking feeling in my stomach and regretting my decision.

Really, how well could a conversation go? I had an internal dialogue that volleyed between wanting to make him uncomfortable and to see if I could have a civil conversation that would make him regret having no interest in me at all.

Instead I, as usual, did nothing.

After work I went to meet up with a friend and her friends before the screening of a short film she wrote the screenplay for. People are nice, but it makes for an uncomfortable situation when you know that none of the people you're being introduced to will remember your name or you in 2 minutes. I'm not exactly sure what it is about me that prevents people from remembering meeting me after 4 or 5 introductions. I sat alone on the bus to the event, the others breaking into a couple of factions. Upon entering the venue, I saw someone from work I haven't seen for a while, so I had a chat with him while the others walked past me, not even aware I was in the group. So I decided to sit with my conversationalist and his friend. At the end of the evening, as everyone filed out, I couldn't see anyone from the original group. This was somewhat disturbing since there were 10 of them. So I assumed they left without me or something and my work friend was talking to someone in the theatre, so I decided to go home.

At the bus stop one of the people I've met various times (have even been to her house) walked right by me. Three others stood in front of me and spoke French, not even acknowledging me. Just one person waved at me when we both got on and waved at me when she and her friends got off. Those are some bad odds: only 10% of people who meet me recognise me.

I'm really trying not to take it personally, but it's challenging.

I'm also trying to avoid Facebook because I'm not really interested in discovering that my sneaking suspicions about, again, being left out of various plans this weekend are well-founded.

now that that's over with

This morning I had a job interview at a post-secondary institution. It was scheduled for 2 1/2 hours and we came in just 15 minutes short of that. It went fine, but I'm not sure I'm what they're looking for. I'm really not as concerned as I was the last time I had one of these interviews. Maybe because I got hired on-call at a small college. That takes the heat off of me a bit.

I was super cute today. People keep complimenting my hair and I realised it looks the tiniest bit mod. So I wore a cute modish grey dress, grey tights, a green cardi and green shoes. Hot damn, I love that dress. I'm going to wear it on my birthday just because it's so fricking cute. I might take a wild stab at high heels that day as well.

After voting (didn't really want to try to navigate on the actual voting day) I headed home and discovered a new oven has been installed. I guess I could bake more frequently to combat the cold. I'm going to have some hot chocolate and some soup, take a nap, and then head out for drinks with my guybrarians. Cripes, those guys are rad.

facing upwards

As I made my way home, I couldn't stop looking up at the sky. Light, reflections and clouds distract me often, but today was even more distracting than usual. The sky was bright blue with clouds that stretched across the sky like chenille fabric. Generally I hate chenille; it feels oily and gross, and adds pounds onto any body (this includes chenille socks, which I can't even talk about). These clouds, though, were light and fluffy and striking. I didn't even trip as I stared up.

In fact, I almost bumped into TP on her way to the library to get some DVDs. That was a nice surprise!

I'm supposed to be preparing a presentation and course outline for Friday and I've got a massive block. So far I've got just a couple of lines; I have to plan for 35 minutes of talking. Ugh. If only magic elves would come and do this for me... The last time I had this problem was the UBC interview, and I think we know how that went. (Well, all we know is I didn't get the job, so maybe my presentation wasn't bad.) Looks like I'll be at work tomorrow until it's done. Good times.

You know what promises to be terrible? The Stylista. Holy crap, are some of these people bitches. That it's on right after ANTM... That's just efficient.

Also, if you know anyone who is going to Lykke Li next week... Lemme know.

the key of low

This evening I went to Christ Church Cathedral for Gregorian chanting service. It's an Anglican church and I realised as I sat in the pew (I couldn't make myself sit in a chair in a church) that the last time I went to an Anglican church was when I was in Brownies and had to visit three religious services for my religion badge. (In retrospect, that was a hilarious badge to get in a small town. My options for religious services were the Catholic church [which I went to weekly anyway], the Anglican church and the Lutheran church. The only real differences were 'ghost' and 'spirit' and the marital status of the priest/pastor.)

The interior of the cathedral is more impressive than the exterior belies. For the service it was darkened with candles and low-lit pendant lights. It was calm and quiet and, despite the men not singing in Latin, the singing was soothing. It was nice to be quiet for a little bit, to just sit quietly without needing to be anywhere or do anything.

Lately I guess I've been basking in low-key.

Last night I went to Rebecca's birthday party and managed to appear somewhat sociable, despite being so completely not lately. This morning I went for breakfast at the Tomahawk with David and TP, and then a wander through thrift stores. In the afternoon I went to the Whip for this week's cask beer (a slightly sweet Belgian something or other) with Sara and her partner and some of their friends, then to the new Irish Heather for drinks and (I had) bangers & mash. (I've got to say that, as far as bangers & mash goes, it was pretty good. The sausages, though not the three listed on the menu, were juicy and flavourful; the potatoes a little lumpy but OK; the sweet onion gravy nice; and the turnip & carrot mash was top notch. I'd be willing to have it again, though would have liked a bit of cabbage to mix into my potatoes, but you can't have everything.) It was a good day.

I had an interview on Friday at Langara for on-call evening shifts, and I feel like it went OK, but it's really hard to tell since I've never had such a minimal interview for a librarian position. There's more interview planning to be done, something I dislike because I take it so personally when I don't get jobs. Hopefully things start happening.

Also on Friday I got my hair hacked. I don't care what my hair person does to my hair; I leave it up to her since she knows more about hair than I do. This time she decided to give me fringe (a little shout out, JD) and make it way lighter than it's been for a few haircuts. I'm trying to get used to the bangs, but it's significantly different for me. People have asked if I cut my hair; this is hilarious.

in the past

Last week I worked a day in Special Collections, which is always sort of intimidating yet interesting. I'd actually love to "get" Special Collections and work there constantly, but that's not really in the cards the way the larger organisation is operating. Besides, I don't quite know where to find some of the more specific stuff that people serious enough to come to Special Collections are looking for.

Anyway, while I worked, I read over a blog entry about the library getting access to passenger lists up until 1935. This was of interest because my family, both sides, came to Canada in the last century. My mom's family didn't make it over until the '40s, but my dad's family came before he was born, in the late '20s. I thought I'd try out the process, see if I could find anything about my dad's family.

My aunt mentioned that she didn't remember very much about the voyage, just that they were seasick. After doing a couple of searches, I finally managed to find them in the passenger lists. I actually got teary-eyed while I stared at their names. My aunt wasn't just sick from the ship; she had chickenpox and the whole family had to be quarantined for an extra week because of it. They landed in Quebec on May 24th, 1929 with their Old Country names. I copied the image and made a mental note to mention it to my dad.

Then I promptly forgot about it.

Almost as soon as I got to my parents' house today, I thought about the image. Thankfully I attached it to an email message and downloaded it onto Mom's computer. Dad is never a very emotional person, but I think he appreciated the effort and was extremely quiet as he looked at it. Mom was pretty interested as well; she's got a stash of documentation from when they emigrated.

Perhaps that idea to write books about them isn't so far-fetched...

giving 'til it hurts

I decided to get blood-letted today. It's been a year since I gave away my blood, but those phone calls they make, when they say my type is in high demand around long weekends... It just makes me feel so important. Maybe I should actually research how in-demand my blood is...

Just in case, I took an extra packet of cookies.

The problem with giving blood in a large room with other donors is that I am too competitive. I don't want someone to donate faster than me, so I tried to pump my blood faster than the person behind me. I managed OK, but I'd like to be faster. If I'm faster I win and then I can get to that peach juice faster.

Peach juice? That doesn't exist for real. Not naturally occurring.

Unrelated, a road trip to my family's abode means David Sedaris audiobooks. Can't wait to listen to the Stadium Pal bit again. I love that man. I tried to get Sarah Vowell's audiobook for "Assassination vacation," but it's signed out. Sigh. I'm excited to read her new one. Am looking forward to stuffing and heat.

working it

I applied for a job today. External, at SFU. No idea how helpful working in business is going to be, but apparently SFU scoops loads of people who worked on the science & business floor at VPL at some point. It's just a temporary position, but it would be experience and could be extended. I'm trying not to be negative about it; where normally I would say I don't stand a chance, now I think I am qualified for the job and there's no reason why I shouldn't get it. I also have an interview for on-call at one of the colleges in another week. I think I'm also qualified for that one, especially because of my time teaching in Japan.

Counseling is good. It makes me less mean.

My friend came over for beer and games last night, and agreed that I should keep both coats. This is good and bad. If I see them on sale this weekend... well, all that stuff I learned in counseling about naming my feelings correctly may be out the window. He also thinks I'm just "better" in general, so maybe it's time to venture out and start talking to people again.

red or aubergine?

I'm turning into a clothing whore.

Today I returned the coat that fit funny and tried on two coats that are vastly different from each other. One is a red pea coat-style made of something that reminds me of a low nap muppet. The other is a deep purple (aubergine, if you will) that is slightly dressier, longer, more buttoney. I can't decide between them.

Unfortunately, I asked my co-workers which I should keep and they, unhelpfully, suggested I should keep both. I evidently asked the wrong people; now that I think about it, I rarely see either of them wearing the same thing more than once... Around 74% of the people on this floor seem to have a thing for shoes. I'm not complaining; just saying.

I'll assess by wearing them around the house and maybe, if I get really motivated, will take a picture and post for people to vote on. I've got 90 days to make up my mind.

Today I also bought some rather attractive heels from the Bay. They're having a weird mid-week sale, which I'm not complaining about at all, since the shoes wound up being $35. I need to learn how to walk in heels; I sound like a clunky elephant when I walk, missing just the music that accompanies all elephants and morbidly obese people. Not to say I'm morbidly obese, nor an elephant; just that I walk as loudly as one.

bundling up

My coat buying skills are in question. Previous winter coats have been OK, but I've had nothing but trouble trying to find a coat I like that won't make me poor. I don't like this sort of challenge. With my current coat wearing thin (it's actually wearing thin), I really need a new coat.

Last weekend I bought a coat. I thought it was OK. I showed my friend, who delicately said it looked too big for me, that the pockets were needlessly large. I guess I can see his point, though not in a mirror (still don't have a full-length), but returning it means I have to start the search again. Tomorrow I will attempt to fix my error and spend more time looking in a mirror in good light.

Really, this sounds like a lame complaint, but it occupies large amounts of my non-work hours. Especially when the temperature drops and I have to wrap myself in blankets to stay warm. (I am too cheap to turn on my heat since it's only the start of October and it probably won't warm up again until next May, which is... 8 months away. This isn't Edmonton; I don't have to be warmed by artificial heat just yet.) [I've pulled my Bay blanket out already, so I'm guessing I'll have to pull out the down duvet by December. Good thing I kept all those warming devices, though still don't have a water bottle, though those things scare me just slightly.]

Unrelated, I'm working on resumes this week. I just need to do something different for a while, I think, to figure out where I should be. It's a new self-improvement kick, though I'm not really improving much; just applying for jobs and talking to a shrink. Though, obviously, I'm also attempting to improve my fashion sense, but it still seems to be a somewhat wrong.

recapsulated

Stuff has been happening lately; some good, some not so good. Maybe I'll just tell you some of the good stuff because I don't really want to talk about the not so good.

Last Friday I went to the Giants' home opener with Rich and Christy, which was a lot of fun. We met at the racetrack and had a couple of predrinks (the drink specials are always pretty cheap) while they bet on the first two races. Christy wound up winning the exactor, but she bet low ($2) and still came away with $15.90! The game was pretty good, fast and lots of shots on net by the Giants. They got some pretty goals and easily won 7-3. Can't wait to go to a Golden Bears game this year; they're playing at UBC twice this season: once mid-October and again at the end of November. I'd better get my alumni card before those games since regular adult prices are well more than I feel willing to pay to see my two alma maters. One of them should give me a discount.

Saturday I went to visit my oldest friend (we've been friends since Storytime when we were 3) in Maple Ridge and, just for a second, was jealous of the whole owning-a-house thing. I got to see the bridesmaids and it was a lot of fun to hang out with them again. There have been a number of changes with all of us the last year and it was really nice to catch up. My friend meant it as a congratulations party for my degree and hired an intuitive to read our energies. (This was actually a really thoughtful gift because she knew this would be a good time for me to get some sort of a reading, especially since I had such a good experience at my reading at my grade 12 graduation.) Not surprisingly, my energy is low, but I was surprised by some of the stuff (she kept asking me why I'm not listening to my guides; I guess they weren't pleased that I've been resisting their direction) and dismayed to learn that the places I've been thinking of moving to are not where I should be. Unfortunately my time ended before she could get a good read on where I should go, so I'm meant to do dream therapy to work out where I should go in my dreams. This may sound a bit flaky, but I used to dream my future all the time and stopped because it didn't seem rational. I'm trying to get back into it, though. I was much happier at that time in my life.

Last night I went to the Silver Jews show and it was aight. I mean, the opening band was super energetic and fun, at the end leaving the club and jumping a fence somewhere outside while continuing to play drums and sing. They also had shorty shorts and a few friends admitted they hoped to see a sausage sword show with all the climbing and jumping around the three hair-intensive boys were doing. Alas, the shorts kept them decent. And Silver Jews were all good and stuff, but I was losing interest after a while, wishing each song were the last one, all the while realising my ears sort of hurt. I left the show with Jaime and most of our conversation was talking loudly about how much our ears were ringing.

Tonight I'm going to the Canucks/Sharks game with my sister, thanks to Jason, which means awesome seasons tickets seats in the fifth row. Pretty excited!