and again

I shouldn't be surprised at this point when it happens. When he cancels at the last minute. When he does the right thing. When he chooses to be who his dad expected him to be instead of who he really is. It just sucks when it happens.

uh oh

Today I'm supposed to meet up with a friend who has been submerged in massive depression for the last 2 years. I've been feeling out of sorts/in the dumper for most of 2012. This can't go well.

cheers

This evening I mentioned to my friends that I was tired of being happy for all of my other friends. It's a flippant comment, but there's an element of truth to it. There's a whole lot of good stuff going on in other people's lives: a brand new engagement, a few people getting into new relationships, a new baby to get to know, new jobs... It's fantastic that these things happen to my friends because they really deserve to be happy.

Just sometimes I wonder if there's a limit to how happy I can be for everybody else before I start dying of melancholy inside.

Maybe some people are just designed for happiness and others aren't. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not wired to be happy. All I can hope for is mild contentment, and that is a real struggle sometimes. Like today. I'm tired of being happy for everybody else. It would be nice to be happy for me.

Oh look, beer.