the setup

I'm starting to have second thoughts about New Year's. Like, maybe I should just stay home and lie fetal in the corner, trying not to listen to The Softies. In theory, I know it's best not to avoid others, but that seems like a better option right now.

My plans should be fun. I'm going to a '50s/'60s sock-hop with friends, all of whom are fun and I like a lot. I feel OK with wearing a dress and have no embarrassment or nervousness about how I look. But, listening to a few of them talk tonight, I realise I stand a high chance of being ditched mid-night. I guess the difference between me and them is that I am fairly positive I'll be going home alone while they all expect to hook up with someone.

I've been having anxiety about having to walk home alone when, at midnight, I realise I have lost them all to others and the options are to stand awkwardly alone around complete strangers or stand awkwardly alone while friends try not to leave me out, but obviously have to. Honestly, I can't begrudge them that; they're all attractive people and should take advantage of being attractive. But in a competition for attention, I hold no illusions: I can't compete. I may be setting myself up for certain disaster.

In the end, obviously, I will go and stand a 50/50 chance of having a miserable time. I just have to remind myself that the same odds are true for having a blast. Really, can I expect this New Year's to be any different than any other one? I'm hoping to be hopeful tomorrow.

packages full of surprises

Just home from the ballet. I love going to the Nutcracker around Christmas. I haven't been for a few years, but am always happy when I go.

I know I've mentioned in the past my particular appreciation for the costuming in ballet, especially for the *ahem* men. This time round the women around us also appreciated the costuming as well. At first the girls in front of us snickered when they saw the bulges, to the chagrin of my viewing partner. "How infantile!" she exclaimed. Towards the end of the second half the ladies beside us exclaimed how hot the one guy was and how enormous he looked. I would never tell that to strangers; even I have my limits.

Still... it was totally true. I know they wear some sort of cup to stop from bouncing around. (This part in "Juno" made me laugh because it's exactly the reason I can't watch long distance running/marathons. Those shorts are distracting and a little frustrating to watch. Sausage swords...) But, seriously, there was packaging EVERYwhere.

The actual costumes were quite lovely, as were the sets. I forgave them the canned music rather than a symphony because everything else was pretty great.

I realised as well that it was 7 years ago tonight that I sat in the Auditorium in Chicago in the 12th row for $10 to watch the Nutcracker. Wish I were there now.

The thing about the ballet that makes me laugh is people treat it like figure skating. In skating, when someone lands a jump people clap. People were doing the same tonight, which is a little distracting and normally clapping should be saved. I also can't believe the things people wear out to cultural events. Dresses with closures found on swimsuits are a brave choice for the ballet. I also realised that one of the reasons I like the ballet is the symmetry. Often movements are in even numbers and there are usually an even number of dancers. This appeals to my even counting obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

full of surprises

Aside from all the crappy crap of the workday (like 3 people quitting. Why they couldn't wait another week for my supervisor to return so I wouldn't have to deal with it, I don't understand and sort of resent), today had some awesome bits.

The boss librarian on my floor and I had a conversation last week about coloured pyrex and I mentioned how disappointed I was that I couldn't get my grandmother's coloured pyrex. She asked if I like pink and I said I did. Then today... pink pyrex! Seriously! She gave me a super awesome pink pyrex casserole with lid and stand so it doesn't have to sit on a pot warmer or something. Sweet score!

Then one of my other co-workers slipped me a lumpy envelope shortly after. When I opened it, I found something he and I discussed ages ago when he brought in a piece of toast with the imprint of the Virgin Mary and used it to sell his beatification claims. Now I, too, can have Virgin Mary toast. The next person who sleeps over gets a piece for breakfast. I can just see people jumping at the bit.

Last Saturday I went to Daiso with my sister after a particularly belly-filling dim sum. (I really like going for dim sum in places where my party is the only one with whities. Makes it feel more authentic. Even if they talk bad about us.) Anyway, I collected some bento bits so, in theory, I could be making bento lunches any second. I keep looking at these fantastic bento blogs (this and this mostly) and it seems so easy. In reality, bento are a fricking nightmare to make. Still... the boxes and other paraphernalia are fun and sort of make me want to try to make them.

the most wonderful time

I really have to apologise to friends who normally get Christmas cards at this time of the year. Annually I buy a whole whack of Christmas cards on Boxing Day because I'm cheap and the ones I like are always expensive (though less so when they're 50% off), so I always have them well in advance of the following Christmas season.

This year, however, I was a total slacker. I have successfully avoided Christmas almost entirely, which also means I didn't get around to sending out cards.

Don't think this means I didn't think about you over the last few weeks. I have. I have a lot. I just can't prove that in any tactile way right now. I will try to remedy this somehow over the next two weeks, after which the final stretch of school hell begins and I will disappear for another 4 months.

This was a really fun Christmas, I have to admit. Even without my parents/brother coming down for it, I had a good time. On Christmas Eve I finally made it to the Hard Rock Miners Singalong: Christmas Edition, an annual event that I always wanted to go to but obviously never could. With friends and my sis/bro-in-law combo, I got to sing terribly in public without complaints or looks of pity. My friend tended to my hydration needs while watching "Eagle vs. Shark" and I awoke without a hangover.

Yesterday I went to an afternoon cocktail party that involved a lot of sweets and a modest amount of booze. I decided I probably shouldn't drink since I hadn't eaten much and the combo of sugar and booze scares me. I wound up being the life of the party by laying on my friend's bed for a rest midway through. Maybe I should have had a nap before I went, but it started at noon and I didn't want to be late. In the evening I went to Tinseltown with Tangiene to see "Juno," which was a lot of fun and a good topper to the day. It has two of my favourite crushes: Jason Bateman and Michael Cera. Sigh. Swoon.

Today I'm hoping to make it over to the Irish Heather with Tangiene for bangers & mash and maybe a shot of whisky or the like. Wish I had a hangover to nurse to make it necessary.

*Oh, I was just wondering about RSS feeds. Does anyone want some sort of RSS button to add this to your stream of feeds? I realise it's a bitch checking back to see if I've written anything, but figured readership would drop off anyway. Let me know if you want me to add an RSS link or something.

tis the season

My oven hasn't been working well for a while. Last week the bottom element stopped working almost completely. It doesn't get hot. This means things won't bake. The lack of baking means turkeys can't be roasted.

Now, maybe you can see where I'm going with this. I'm supposed to house my family for Christmas this year. My family enjoys turkey on Christmas Day. No oven... no turkey... no family.

That's right: a lack of oven means my family is staying home for Christmas. I got the news when I updated my mom on the oven situation.

Quite frankly, this is a surprise. It is unfortunate, sure, but I'll manage on my own. I've never been one for holidays anyway. I am sad I won't get to see my parents and brother for a while, but it can't be helped. No perogies or cookies... that's sort of sad, too.

As it is, I might be getting a new oven on Saturday. Apparently it looks like the thermostat, which means it's cheaper to replace than fix. Sweet.

I think I just bought eyeglasses online. I mean, I know I did, but it's really just the idea of glasses until they actually arrive at my house.

See, my sister works for a company that sells contacts online and they've recently decided to expand into glasses. They have a ridiculous special on for friends and family to try out the online glasses service, so I'm getting these (described as "European modernism combined with stylish simplicity") delivered to my door for, like, under $75. Total. Even with my retarded blind person prescription.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I'm not sure what happens if they look stupid on me, but whatever. I'm looking forward to the challenge of not looking like a dork. I am almost certain to fail.

Library news, so skip over this part if you're sick of hearing about libraries:
1) Last Friday I had an interview for a student librarian position at the library. I've got a 50/50 chance because I think there are around 17 people being interviewed for 9 positions. I didn't think I would get it going into the interview, so if I don't it won't be a surprise. I just wanted the interview experience.
2) Today I found out I got a scholarship from the library, which is a welcome injection of money towards my tuition. Yea! Money! Seriously, this library job has saved my life more than once.
3) Someone told me about a job at a law library for when I graduate, but it's not really a librarian position. It's more like a tech job, which means being paid less than a librarian, but it would be a cool experience because they have database needs, loads of cataloguing, and would be a self-directed workday. I'll find out more soon.
4) Wednesday I start a two week stint getting paid an extra $4/hr for filling in for my supervisor. I've threatened people not to try to quit or ask for days off because I have no idea how to organise those things.

I've been keeping busy with socialising as much as possible, and have been fighting a cold for about a week because of it. I went to the Biltmore last Thursday (it's aight; red velvet walls!), the Mint Christmas party at the Railway on Friday (missed The Pack), the FairSands Christmas soiree Saturday afternoon (and ate so many yummy sweets!), Grandview Lanes for Pilot 1 Bowling Nite (Pilot 1 is a strike-related social club), and shared dinner at The Foundation last night. This week I get to catch up with friends I don't get to see very often and Friday I'm going to my friend's house for Nacho Hat Night.

Not sure when I'm going to clean my house for Christmas, but it has to be before Sunday. That's when the family gets into town. That's a whole other story.

questionable working conditions

I'm convinced my jobplace is trying to kill me.

Tonight at work I started sneezing and my throat felt like tiny little particles were attacking it. This is not a cold. I know it's not a cold because the other 3 people working in the general vicinity experienced similar symptoms at almost the same time. I think The Man started pumping airborne diseases through the ventilation system to kill us all off so it's easier to implement job reduction strategies.

I mean, it's all starting in January anyway. As of January 1st, there will be a lower-paid position that is meant to replace most of my friends' jobs over the next 2 years. The management team has to save $100,000 this year and figured eliminating the lowest-paid position and introducing an even lower-paid position was the way to go. Even though the head of the library got a $20,000 raise last year alone. It's causing a huge amount of stress for everyone, me included. My job will require me to take on more of the lower position tasks because there are fewer people to do them, even though I'm already doing extra work from the last workplace/job reorginisation. I only know what I'm doing because I'm so nosy and want to know everybody's business; if not for that, I'd be screwed.

Sure, sure, I'll be done school in 5 months and won't be working my position anymore. (As soon as I'm done I'll have to reapply to the library as a librarian, which isn't a guarantee.) It doesn't really affect me. But, as I said, a large number of my friends are in positions that will require them to find work elsewhere or face serious RSI damage while getting paid $2-$4 less per hour and not being able to work more than 24 hours per week. It kind of causes an imbalance in relationships.

Not like I can do anything about it. No one can. It's a done deal.

Oh, unrelated: I have to make as many gifts as I can this year since I don't have much money, but need suggestions for gifts for men. Ideas? Easy, fast ones? That involve fabric or cross-stitch or cutting paper into shapes?

uncertainties of the day

Just home from a visit with my sister. She kindly stopped by my house after work to take my cans/bottles to the depot so I could get some money back. Holy geez, I had almost $20 worth of bottles and cans ($19.90, to be exact), which reminds me I shouldn't hoard recyclables for so long or I should stop drinking. Neither seems possible right now.

We went downtown so I could see her apartment. She's been there since June or July, and I hadn't seen it yet. It's a small place, but it doesn't sound like she's much of a fan of the place anyway, so maybe she'll move closer to me. Would be better. We went for dinner and drinks at the Cactus Club so she could use a $50 gift card she won at work, and got boozed up on bellinis. Note to self: two bellinis is too much when you have to walk.

"Who Do You Think You Are?" is on the CBC right now and I'm so excited about it. It's sponsored by Library and Archives Canada, which is pretty neat for me, since, you know, I'm going to spend some time in libraries in the future. Like when someone famous mentions your hometown or something and you cheer because you're from there. Same thing. Next week's should be fascinating; it's Don Cherry. The thing about the show is that I wanted to pitch something similar for CBC Radio so I could get a trip to the Old Country and see the Czech Republic. Now... seems like a bad pitch. Sigh.

Ordered more socks. And bought some boots, though not the ones I thought I would. Some fun rain booties and a pair of waterproof and somewhat stylish Merrells that I'm still not totally sure about because they're just snug right now. I only have 8 more days to decide about them before I can't get a store credit anymore. I wanted black ones, but they only had smaller brown ones, so tried them. They fit in the toe, but are a smidge snug over the tops. What should I do?

can't always get what you want

I've been on a fruitless quest for boots and a coat that don't suck. Today I wanted to see if anything good has happened in the coat/shoe worlds, or if stuff is on sale enough for me to find it OK enough to buy/wear. Not sure why I even bother.

The coat situation... well, I'm just going to have to give up on finding a winter coat that is nice and that fits and that doesn't cost more than I spend on a semester's tuition. I don't want a black coat. I don't want a long coat. I don't want a hood. Those are really my only criteria. Oh, and it has to fit. Today I looked at a lot of coats and none of them met all those traits. The one that came close is a rain coat, but I'm not sure I should buy a rain coat when I lack the ability to generate enough heat to not get hypothermia while waiting for the bus for extended amounts of time.

The boot situation is problematic for two reasons:
1) I want low-heeled boots, probably.
2) My calves are too meaty for most conventional boots to fit over.
I blame two things for this:
a) genetics are cruel
b) my once-sporty self got lazy
Maybe if I concentrated on one or the other thing to look for I would be successful. Maybe.

I did purchase a bathing suit meant for rigorous swimming exercise in the near future. It did feel strange to buy a bathing suit in December with no plans to go to a hot place that would require a bathing suit. Buying bathing suits in December is probably not a great idea because they aren't really on sale and there are often a lot of spangly, sparkly, hanging things from bathing suits for sale in December. Maybe people that can afford (and have time) to go to sun destinations lack taste.

Also, I'm thinking of boycotting food. Generally.

burning hearts

One of my friends left for a 3-week trip and, in preparation, I made him a compilation of all the Spanish music I have loaded onto my computer to get him into the mood for his trip. While burning the disc, I looked through a few of my playlists and stumbled upon one that I compiled after the boy with fantastically curly hair stopped calling. Entitled "Sappy," it's got loads of songs that I love but that make me a little sad and wistful about missed opportunities and relationships that ended before I wanted them to.

I'm absolutely in love with "Burning Hearts" by My Favorite; there's something about the intro that makes my heart soar and then come crashing down. Makes me feel like writing bad poetry and watching teen movies. And it makes me miss my old friend in Chicago because it's something he would love to listen to and first introduced me to My Favorite.

At some point in November I decided that I have to mark the completion of this next degree with something special before I embark on a big girl job or get sucked into the job machine that will grind me up and spit me out if I let it. So I decided that, since I haven't been since 2001, I would go to Chicago and then try to swing up to Toronto for a week or two in May. There's no particular reason for wanting to go to Chicago other than I always love it there (even when terrible things happen) and one of my favourite trips ever was a 3-week stint during my undergrad that fell right around the time I'm planning to go. And, naturally, I'm hoping to see my old friend for a wee bit.

I realise it will put me in debt and is probably a stupid thing to do from a financial standpoint, but there are a number of extremely good reasons for such an endeavor:
1) I haven't been on a trip of any such magnitude for at least 2 years and I'm not getting any younger.
2) By scheduling a visit to Toronto, I can visit friends and see if Toronto is somewhere I want to live in the near/distant future.
3) May is a good time to travel because it isn't terrible weather, but is before trips get really expensive.
4) And, goshdarnit, I've worked myself silly for the last couple of years and just want to not work for a couple weeks.

In the meantime, I'll listen to sappy songs and watch teen movies set in Chicago, and dream about the day I can revisit the Windy City. I hope I can figure out how to get it done/organised.