My boyfriend-in-my-dreams and I just started dating. We work together somewhere that has big fir trees outside the window. His desk is near the window, away from the other desks, and he used to watch for me at his window in the morning before we started dating. I thought he didn't like me because he never talked to me. But then we did and he did and I did.
Sometimes he opens the window and says sweet things to me before I get into the building. My desk is beside someone else's desk, so he tries not to look at me because the person beside me is the sort that will think he's looking at him/her (I think it might be a woman).
Someone in the office thinks she has a chance with him because they went for dinner once during one of his depressive episodes (he gets them, too). But now he only has eyes for me. It's just easier if the others don't know we're together. Our little secret.
I don't know where we work, what sort of work gets done, but I am a librarian and so is he. His hair is brown and sticks up kind of crazy, and he wears shirts with thin vertical stripes because he thinks he looks pudgy (he isn't). He carries a big black messenger bag over his right shoulder, and he drives a navy blue car.
He really wants to make a go of this relationship because our commonalities are understood by the other. There is no fear between us, that something will be revealed to scare the other person away. We are a good match.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
minor rant
I've been increasingly conflicted lately. Because of the cross-section of people I know, from different backgrounds and with very divergent belief systems, I've been seeing some ugly sides to friends and acquaintances during the run up to the Olympics, and now that it has started the gloves appear to be off.
Do I sever ties with people who are so judgmental and think smashing windows is OK? Do I eliminate those that do nothing but drink to excess and act like asshats around town? Are people actually friends if they avoid texts, emails and phone calls when you're supposed have plans together? What are the rules during the next two weeks? Is there any way not to take it personally when people say or do something that is against what you believe in normal circumstances?
Thank cripes I have some really excellent friends who are consistently awesome and non-judgemental. Without them, there would be no reason to ever attempt to socialise again. With them, there is always the possibility that things will be OK.
Do I sever ties with people who are so judgmental and think smashing windows is OK? Do I eliminate those that do nothing but drink to excess and act like asshats around town? Are people actually friends if they avoid texts, emails and phone calls when you're supposed have plans together? What are the rules during the next two weeks? Is there any way not to take it personally when people say or do something that is against what you believe in normal circumstances?
Thank cripes I have some really excellent friends who are consistently awesome and non-judgemental. Without them, there would be no reason to ever attempt to socialise again. With them, there is always the possibility that things will be OK.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
the crazies
On my way home tonight from work I listened to a conversation between a guy who really seemed to be crazy and some police officers who were doing a routine survey of the area under the Skytrain tracks. It makes me afraid of the people around me.
The guy was lighting matches while wearing what looked like a hare krishna uniform while squatting beside one of the columns that holds up the Skytrain at Main. So the cops did a routine questioning, basically asking what he was doing and if he was going somewhere since he was crouching near the bus stop. (I mean, I would want someone to ask a guy why he's lighting matches under the main mode of transportation that I rely on.) The guy launched into a lengthy tirade about being on public land and being able to do whatever he wanted and they should back off and leave him alone. This went on while he continued to hold matches and start flailing arms and asking for the Criminal Code of Canada. And the cops just stood there passively, not instigating him or saying really anything. At a certain point the guy started being combative and threatened the officers, and they warned him that if he continued with the threats he would be arrested. It would have gone on longer, but some guy came up and started to hug the weird guy and he stopped ranting.
David Sedaris claims that, once you set your mind to it, everyone looks retarded (his word). I just think everyone is crazy. My friend deals with a lot of certifiably crazy people, people who would be safer to themselves and others if they were in a facility that can monitor them. It seems like the Olympics are making crazy people more obvious.
And it hasn't even really begun.
The guy was lighting matches while wearing what looked like a hare krishna uniform while squatting beside one of the columns that holds up the Skytrain at Main. So the cops did a routine questioning, basically asking what he was doing and if he was going somewhere since he was crouching near the bus stop. (I mean, I would want someone to ask a guy why he's lighting matches under the main mode of transportation that I rely on.) The guy launched into a lengthy tirade about being on public land and being able to do whatever he wanted and they should back off and leave him alone. This went on while he continued to hold matches and start flailing arms and asking for the Criminal Code of Canada. And the cops just stood there passively, not instigating him or saying really anything. At a certain point the guy started being combative and threatened the officers, and they warned him that if he continued with the threats he would be arrested. It would have gone on longer, but some guy came up and started to hug the weird guy and he stopped ranting.
David Sedaris claims that, once you set your mind to it, everyone looks retarded (his word). I just think everyone is crazy. My friend deals with a lot of certifiably crazy people, people who would be safer to themselves and others if they were in a facility that can monitor them. It seems like the Olympics are making crazy people more obvious.
And it hasn't even really begun.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
special delivery
You know what's rad? Packages from the book fairy.
David Sedaris on LP? OH YES.
I'm also thrilled to have Artisan bread in five minutes a day and Savory baking to peruse while I wait for my chorizo, cherry tomato & goat cheese quiche to cool to eating temperature. This is the first time I've managed to get something cooked in days. I've been subsisting on dairy products almost exclusively. Yogurt, mainly.
Why isn't drinking yogurt popular here? I can barely get Yop, yet in Japan I lived on drinking yogurt. We even got them with our school lunches sometimes. The cruelty of geography.
Another cruel twist of fate is the lack of a usable turntable to listen to this LP. I keep meaning to get a USB turntable, but then buy stupid things like a trip to Las Vegas or a Wii instead. I should stop consuming things. Completely.
Except for this quiche.
David Sedaris on LP? OH YES.
I'm also thrilled to have Artisan bread in five minutes a day and Savory baking to peruse while I wait for my chorizo, cherry tomato & goat cheese quiche to cool to eating temperature. This is the first time I've managed to get something cooked in days. I've been subsisting on dairy products almost exclusively. Yogurt, mainly.
Why isn't drinking yogurt popular here? I can barely get Yop, yet in Japan I lived on drinking yogurt. We even got them with our school lunches sometimes. The cruelty of geography.
Another cruel twist of fate is the lack of a usable turntable to listen to this LP. I keep meaning to get a USB turntable, but then buy stupid things like a trip to Las Vegas or a Wii instead. I should stop consuming things. Completely.
Except for this quiche.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
stuffed
Tonight I ate more food than one person should, giving myself heart pains and making me wish I had a liquid to ingest that would make the pain go away. As my plate emptied into my stomach I still didn't feel full.
This is much like my regular life outside of my autonomous competitive eating. I'm always trying to fill my head and my heart with more than a normal person should attempt at one time, yet I never feel full; it's never enough. No matter how much time I spend with friends or how many activities I pack into my day, the empty is still there. All this stuff isn't even a drop in the bucket.
What's most frustrating is I don't even really know what would make the empty disappear. I make poor decisions, hoping the resulting turmoil will do something, will at least give me an idea if it's helping to alter the container inside me. I try to find things to tempt at least one of my senses, hoping one will trigger something. But it doesn't change, the water level never goes up.
When I got home from work I put in a load of laundry and was angry that I had to go back and forth to check on it. I thought of all the people who had someone else to check their laundry for them sometimes. It isn't fair that I have to do this by myself.
This is much like my regular life outside of my autonomous competitive eating. I'm always trying to fill my head and my heart with more than a normal person should attempt at one time, yet I never feel full; it's never enough. No matter how much time I spend with friends or how many activities I pack into my day, the empty is still there. All this stuff isn't even a drop in the bucket.
What's most frustrating is I don't even really know what would make the empty disappear. I make poor decisions, hoping the resulting turmoil will do something, will at least give me an idea if it's helping to alter the container inside me. I try to find things to tempt at least one of my senses, hoping one will trigger something. But it doesn't change, the water level never goes up.
When I got home from work I put in a load of laundry and was angry that I had to go back and forth to check on it. I thought of all the people who had someone else to check their laundry for them sometimes. It isn't fair that I have to do this by myself.
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