the long and short of it

This has been an eventful year. When I started 2006, I was a complete mess: directionless or, as Evan Dando would say, like a ship without a rudder. I hated my house, fought all the time with friends, was generally depressed about everything. It sucked. But this year things have really fallen into place and I feel like the year ended much more positively than I could have anticipated.

Maybe it's just the calm before the storm or the eye of the tornado, but I feel surprisingly calm and content.

I'm going to attribute this whole turnaround to a couple of things:
1) cutting loose negative forces. I'm thinking specifically about a couple of toxic people who really worked hard at making me feel inadequate and shitty on a constant basis. Surprisingly, when one of them was eliminated from my life things were instantly better.
2) getting into school. Thank you, Mr. Admissions Guy, for letting me in just before you retired.
3) having kick-ass friends. This year friends really stepped up with being rad to me, and that I got to meet a bunch of cool new people and reconnect with others I fell out with is pretty sweet, too. Good job, all (pat, pat).
4) the luck of the apartment. Certainly, having a new pad is a huge part of why things don't seem so shitty. It's surprising what more light and space (and less moisture and mold) can do for a girl. I still can't keep plants alive in my tropical nest, but at least I could grow plants just outside my door without worrying about the crackheads down the street stealing them. And my shoes are contained.

Granted, I've also become the kind of person who has a fridge full of beer (current inventory: 10 large bottles, 8 small bottles and 4 cans of cheap stuff leftover from Christmas (the plan really worked! They drank the cheap stuff happily until the clamato ran out; then they stopped drinking), but it is a small price to pay for a pleasant existence.

Maybe I'm still feeling the love from "Night At The Museum." I went to see it with Tangiene last night and it was better than I anticipated. As a couple asked us when we were leaving, "Are you also surprised that that was better than you thought it would be?" Sure, it was a little hokey in parts and some of the plot was a bit weak and too family-oriented for my tastes, but still... Mickey Rooney had some hilarious lines (said guy we talked to afterwards: "I didn't even know he was still alive? And maybe he wasn't...") and even Robin Williams was tolerable. What I want to know is...

How is it Owen Wilson was in town to film it and I never got any sort of a phone call about it? I mean, even though he's my fake boyfriend he should have still made an effort. Fucker.

Last night when I got home I talked to another friend who, earlier, sent an email saying he had good and bad news for me. When we talked, he started with the bad and I think it's time to pull out the soapbox as I relay the info. The bad news (the worst news): on Christmas Day two of his close friends were killed by a hit-and-run drunk driver. The guy who crashed into them was a 21-year-old who had about 10 beers and was on his way to buy more when he drove through an intersection and slammed into the car. The two other people in my friend's friend's car were in the front seat and survived, but the two in the back did not. One was 33, the other was 26.

I bring this up specifically because I want you all to have a safe New Years tonight. Just don't even leave your house if you can help it. I'll be holed up in my house, watching '80s teen movies, eating appetizers and drinking beer. I expect you to have more fun than me, but I want to see you back here tomorrow. Got it?

Happy New Year, dear friends, and all the warmest wishes for 2007.

Currently reading :
I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence
By Amy Sedaris
Release date: 16 October, 2006

this is the end

Current mood: distracted

I hate New Years. It is, consistently, one of the worst holidays for me. Even worse than Hallowe'en. The last few years, especially, I've been stuck at house parties of people I don't know, brought along by my sister, who feels I shouldn't stay home to watch movies because that's sad and pathetic. But watching strangers make-out is so much better.

So this year I'm not planning anything. I might just ride the bus around town, drinking booze from pop bottles and eating an assortment of appetizers tucked into my pocket, and popping in to see friends who didn't want to make plans either. It could be fun...

On the upside, Friday the 13th is generally a great day for me, and one is coming up in January.

I read a recap of entertainment events of the year and re-read the Sony payola problem. And then I wondered...

Why do I not own "China Boys" by the Payola$?!

Currently reading:
Kids Can Knit: Fun and Easy Projects for Small Knitters
By Carolyn Clewer
Release date: October, 2003

new fiction

Current mood: mildly amused

I was inputing some new titles into the system when this gem popped up:
Amish Country Crossroads
It looks to be an Amish romance. Which leads me to wonder... what, exactly, constitutes romance when they aren't even allowed naughty thoughts, let alone any physical touch or knowing glances?

Currently reading:
Life's a Bitch: The Bitchy Bitch Chronicles
By Roberta Gregory
Release date: 31 July, 2005

post-ho ho

Another Christmas survived.

All in all, a basic haul: gift cards mainly. I am OK with gift cards; they are practical and not as time-sensitive as returning something. I've basically blown the annual Christmas money from my dad with very little to show for it. I should have just concentrated on finding shoes.

Today I attempted to go to an electronics store for something and waited in line for 20 minutes. Decided I didn't really need to be in a store this week. Also went to Scratch briefly, but couldn't remember anything I wanted to buy, so will likely miss out on the 20% off sale this week. Crap. Though A&B Sound has a 30% off sale on DVDs and CDs starting tomorrow, so, theoretically, I can still find some cheap crap. Do I need cheap crap? Likely no.

Good things from the holidays:
1) Slept in until 9am at least two mornings
2) Got to see my parents
3) Have leftover perogies in my fridge and more in the freezer (score!)
4) Didn't work for 3 whole days
5) Got to talk to my friend from London while she was in the country
6) "Pretty In Pink" DVD!

Miraculously, I didn't fight with my family, though was getting short with them by Tuesday (I'm so difficult) for a short spell. My apartment is surprisingly awesome for visitors. I didn't even mind not being able to sit on my futon for the duration. Also, my dining room table is sweet. The combo of dining room table and dishwasher made the whole multiple dinners thing really easy. My mom's deal: she makes the dinners, I clean them up. I may consider applications for dinners at my home.

I have to get to sleep.

Happy New Year, if I don't see you before Sunday.

Currently listening :
The Avalanche: Outtakes & Extras from the Illinois Album
By Sufjan Stevens
Release date: 11 July, 2006

mistaken identity, part 2

At work I saw a listing for one Don Kerr, who will be talking about a new book in January. I thought it was drummer extraordinaire Don Kerr of Rheostatics and Ron Sexsmith fame. I searched websites to confirm. It looked likely, as the Don Kerr I thought it was has a new book out. It wasn't until I did an advanced search that I discoverd the Don Kerr in question was not the same that I thought it was. This was disappointing. I will not see Don Kerr speak about his new book.

The holiday doldrums have set in. Last night I got home from trying to shop for gifts (didn't really work; still have many people to buy for, though they will just have to think I'm unthoughtful instead because I give up) with my sister and bro-in-law and felt really low. This lowness had more to do with feeling alone than feeling depressed, but I suppose at a certain point it's hard to distinguish the difference.

I always expect people to think about me as much as I think about them and it almost never happens. It is a set-up for emotional disaster. This year I gave up almost completely on trying to outreach with Christmas cards. They're on my floor awaiting addressing, yet I'm not sure I will get to them; an early 2007 letter sounds like a better option right now. It's hard to be wordy when you're feeling sort of crappy.

Unrelated, one of the ladies at work, who has been known to tell people in an absentminded way that they're fat, told me I look like I've lost weight. Sadly, no one told my belly because it's still there.

Back to work. Groan. More news as it unfolds.

If I don't say it before, Merry Christmas to you all. I hope your holiday is a good one.

Currently reading :
My Life in France
By Julia Child
Release date: 04 April, 2006

cuckoos and tutus

On the bus coming home from work yesterday a man sat a few rows back, talking loudly to himself. He was having a two-sided conversation with sudden outbursts of, "I don't like your tone! Stop talking!" The Korean couple ahead of him stopped talking, thinking he was talking to them, uncomfortably nervous as they tried to avoid eye contact. After a while, it became apparent that the conversation was his own and the comments addressed to one of the various voices in his conversation. I felt sad that I didn't know what to do for him, if there was anything to do. Then again, I don't know that he knew there was something unusual about his situation.

Earlier I was on the bus while a woman started talking to people around her, trying to pick fights because they weren't Native (her word) and didn't know about Native issues. She actually got into a man's face, threatening to slit his throat because he didn't know how to treat Natives and needed to be taught a lesson. He was nothing but polite, saying she sounded very angry and he could understand how frustrating it must be to be overlooked by society, and she faked a punch towards his face, trying to make him flinch. It was so odd. His friends quickly pulled the bell and got off with him, so she went after a couple who were sitting at the very back, talking to each other quietly. She interrupted and tried to do the same to them. The woman, though, told her she was being rude, that they were having a conversation and to leave them alone. The Native woman started swearing at them, saying they were the rude ones trying to keep Natives down. The couple moved towards the door and the woman slid into their seats, continuing to talk loudly to no one in particular.

I don't like talking to people on transit. Avoiding eye contact is always the best plan.

Last evening Tangiene and I watched part of The Nutcracker on PBS. I usually love watching The Nutcracker ballet, mainly because I like "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" and a few others. But I wasn't a huge fan of this particular production at Covent Gardens. Sloppy choreography, unsynced dancers, a dull lead dancer as Clara... Really, nothing will ever be as good as watching it at the Auditorium in Chicago for $10.

Yet I still liked watching because I am fascinated by the male dancers. Do they wear a cup? If so, how do they ensure it doesn't slip while jumping around? The leg/ass muscles are what draw me in, but the bulge is what keeps me watching. I sometimes compare the sizes of the bulges because there must be different sizes of cups, depending on the... ahem... size of the goods. The lead male kept changing... uh... shape during the performance, so I'm not sure he had a cup on or not.

The thing about watching a ballet on TV is the closeups. Normally you wouldn't be able to see the finer points of the dancers, but with TV you see it all. So you can see that Clara is actually a 35-year-old woman with crow's feet and that the men have more eyeliner on than a drag queen. It ruins the magic, but is the price to pay to be able to compare cup sizes.

Yesterday I walked past the CBC pit and a crow sat on a fence beside the sidewalk. I was a foot away and it watched me without flying away. I think they're starting to like me. My friend Christine got me a signed (addressed to me!) photo of Ian Handsomemanthing. It's pretty rad. Did you see the thing Shaun Majumder did on "22 Minutes" as Ian Hanomansing as he hit on Claire Martin?

Currently listening :
Christmas in Stereo
By Various Artists
Release date: 20 November, 1999

the cats of mirikitani

I've just returned home from seeing "The Cats of Mirikitani" at the Vancouver International Film Centre on Seymour at Davie. I tell you this because I expect you to go see it before it finishes on the 22nd. It is one of the most hopeful, inspiring films I've seen in a long time and is such an amazing lesson in compassion and understanding.

My friend Justin told me about this film in the fall. From what he described, I was instantly interested in the film, just because it sounded so intriguing. His mentor/friend Roger Shimomura took him to the opening in New York because Roger is in the film and is a friend of Jimmy Mirikitani's, the Mirikitani in the film's title. Since the opening Justin has been visiting Jimmy on a weekly basis, so I had a special incentive to see more about the people he speaks of.

The director, Linda Hattendorf, looks like such an amazing person. As soon as I got home from the screening I sent her an email. I don't expect a response, but felt compelled to draw parallels between my mother's past and Jimmy's, though his has much more sorrow and loss than my mother's. I wish she could see it because she is so reluctant to talk about her life in the Old Country and I hope she would be able to talk more openly.

My grandparents, every time I see them, talk non-stop about the time before and during WWII. For years I tried to get them to talk and they wouldn't. Now it seems as though they need to get it all out at once. My sister visited them this fall for their 70th anniversary and had never heard them speak about anything so much before. I think, in that time, it was the first time she really understood our grandparents and the reason for the years of hardness. I worry they will soften too much before I can get back to talk to them more.

Back to the initial point: go see this film. Please. It will make your heart cry, yet will fill you up with warming comfort and hope. Everyone can use a little hope.

i don't like mondays

Of note today (at least in my mind):

Just saw a commercial about... something (I wasn't paying attention)... but it involved Ellen DeGeneres interacting with a bunch of animals around her set. The thing that killed me was that a raccoon held up a makeup brush and then the shot panned to Ellen. Her eyes were black-rimmed. This was hilarious.

Lately I've been feeling wacked out at work. It has felt weird that I'm there so often, especially since the whole place is chaos right now because people are changing schedules and leaving for other divisions. It is not the comforting, easy job it was just 6 months ago, and I mourn the loss of that old feeling. Thank goodness I get a couple days off to host my family in a confined space. So relaxing.

Dawn from "The Office" (UK) is on the new Matthew Perry show. It has made me laugh out loud. It is weird to see Dawn using a different name and not making out with Tim. This show is going to get cancelled and it will make me sad.

I was going to tell you something else. What was it? Crap, I can't remember. It was amusing, though.

A week before Christmas and I still haven't started my Christmas cards. I suspect I'll be aiming for New Years. Sorry in advance for not sending a card sooner. Or at all.

Just 6 days to clear out my storage closet of all the empties piled up in there. I suspect it would concern my parents to see that many empty alcohol bottles in my possession. And I might have to just accept that I can't drink all the beer in my fridge and just declare it off limits to those taking over my home.

One of my blog subscriptions includes Chris, drummer of Paper Moon and generally hilarious guy. Today's entry? Bril. Read about Chris' new job and get 911 ready on speed dial to deal with the exploding side issue you will soon have.

Currently reading :
Holidays on Ice: Stories
By David Sedaris
Release date: 01 November, 1998

mistaken identity

Today I got an email in my junk mail of an old email account that I check with some regularity. I was interested in it because it suggested the name K.A. Denike. I immediately thought of my first year of university, when one of my only friends (for the first couple months, at least) was one Kari Denike from Cochran, Alberta.

Kari stayed at university just one year and we stayed in touch for a couple of years after that. Sometime in my third or fourth year we sort of stopped writing. She had gone to Australia for a year and met "the one" or something, and later decided to go to University of Calgary for a nursing degree. I would see her sister every so often around campus, but eventually stopped seeing her, too. You know, things happen.

Nothing for 10 years.

Then two emails in my junk mail in the old email account I check every so often. With the other recent reconnections I thought it's possible she found me somehow. I mean, my sister's ex-boyfriend from New Zealand tracked down this same email account when I was living in Japan. Stranger things could happen.

Then I opened the first email. It was at that time I realised that it wasn't Kari Denike from Cochran, Alberta. It was someone from the Collingwood Elvis Fan Club in Ontario, home of the biggest Elvis tribute concerts in North America. My disappointment was great, I assure you, for a variety of reasons. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm back to worrying about Christmas and getting "things" done for it. I'm not entirely sure what things I'm thinking of, but there are things to be done. Cards. Uh... baking? Parties to attend. Drinking to do. Things.

christmas means giving

I found out last night that my family is coming to stay at my house for Christmas. My mom is sort of funny about these things because she called and asked what was happening for Christmas. I said I hadn't talked to my sister (the car-owner, meaning my ride home) so wasn't sure. Then Mom launches into the plan.

Actually, she precursors it by telling me that my friend's mom called to see if I needed a ride home because her son is coming home and could give me a ride. (I decided long ago that that would not be happening for a number of reasons, none of which I can go into now, but let's just say 4.5 hours in a car with him will not happen.) Then she says she talked to my sister and Anita asked if they could come down because her husband is working on Christmas Eve and Day, and wants to be able to have both Christmas traditions. It didn't even sound like it was a hard sell.

What all this means is a few things:
1) My parents and my older brother are staying at my house for a few days, apparently because my house is "bigger" than my sister's, which is surprising since she lives in the suburbs and I, well, don't.
2) I get a traditional Christmas Eve with perogies and pokousel (we could never figure out how to spell it, but it is all kinds of awesome) without the 4.5 hour car ride over the scary mountain highway. And I get leftovers!
3) In theory, I could pull out the china I've been trying to collect, though I might have only five place settings and there could be 6 of us. I don't care; I'm eating on it if we use it. There is one that isn't like the others (I'm mixing the sets so they aren't all matchy-matchy), so that one is mine.
4) I can use the china because I suspect we will be doing all the cooking and eating here, since I now own and have set up my grandparents' dining table set and have about a million chairs scattered around the house (14 that could be used for table seating, I believe). My sister is doing Christmas Day at her inlaws and I think my parents are reluctant to spend another Christmas Day with them because they are a fairly (let's say) graphic family.
5) I have to finish unpacking or figure out how to readjust the stuff stored in my closets to make it look like I'm not avoiding the contents because my parents enjoy telling me how messy I am, even though this home is significantly better maintained than the last, where I was miserable because it was like living in a cellar.
6) I'm going to have to go to confession because we're going to the cathedral downtown for Christmas Eve (my mom was really excited when I asked if she wanted to go there), so no more being naughty this month once I haul my bum in to pour out my recent sins to a virgin.

I am not a huge fan of the holiday season in general, so this is the best-case scenario, having Christmas come to me. In all honesty, I was ready to stay home and eat Chinese take-out alone this year, but this means I get to see my parents and pick up a couple of presents instead. This is a better plan than bellyaches.

I just realised I have to hide my beer or have my brother drink it all. Guh. There's no way I'm going to drink it all before Christmas. My liver needs a break.

Currently listening :
69 Love Songs, Pt. 1
By Magnetic Fields
Release date: 07 September, 1999

i heart beer

Seriously, what are the signs of an alcoholic?

My Secret Santa at work gave me three bottles of delicious ('cause I've had it before) cherry Belgian beer, and later informed me that he meant to get me the raspberry one because it is gorgeous, but the store of liquor was all out. And I immediately thought about searching where I could get it online (because that's a feature on the BC Liquor Store website).

After work I went to Six Acres for beer to celebrate being done school and to celebrate my friend's second-last day at work. I started with a Leffe (a yummy Belgian blonde I had for my birthday) and progressed to a Demon (Czech and so easy to drink). Feeling tipsy, I caught the bus to the store of liquor to buy some beer for a party I'm about to go to. I bought an enormous bottle of La Fin du Monde (a Quebec beer in an enormous corked bottle) and another Demon (economical at $2.24 a 500ml bottle). I think I'll leave the Demon at home, along with the crisper full of local microbrew that I like to keep on hand, just in case. (The regular supply of Strongbow was consumed on Wednesday when my friend came over to watch a video. I didn't feel like replacing it this evening.)

Tomorrow I'll be drinking because it's my friend's last day of work. And I had made tenative plans with various people to drink next week. Seriously, I shouldn't be as much of a lightweight as I seem to be. Like, after 1.5L of beer I shouldn't be feeling this tipsy. I've been practicing and everything.

Currently listening :
My Way or the Highway
By Tuscadero
Release date: 14 April, 1998

put a fork in it

In my hands right now I am holding my last assignment for this semester. It's a CD-RW with cover art, a brochure design and a database burned on it. Just have to take a trip out to campus and it will be out of my hands. Yea.

Truthfully, I'm not as excited as I thought I'd be. I actually kind of liked this assignment once I started working on it (which was actually Tuesday night), and I could have easily gotten it done last week if I hadn't whined about it for so long. It's still going to be submitted a day early, so that's something. And it means I could, technically, go see my friends' band play tonight and have some booze, as per their requests. Will see how the day goes.

I have to admit, though: I did drink some last night. Friend was over to watch a crappy video and I drank some Strongbow. MMMmmmm...Strongbow. I wonder if being done with it all this semester will make me drink more or less. What else am I going to do with all this extra time?

Oh, right. Get ready for Christmas.

Which reminds me... Today is the holiday tea at work. I'm going in with Tupperware (you think I'm kidding; I'm not) and will steal away treats when people aren't looking. I meant to bake some cookies, but will maybe see how things go on my way back from campus, since I have to go to the shop either way. I wanted to make chewy chocolate bites; still might. I could also just go shopping for stuff, like some pants or shoes, as a reward for finally getting through this semester. That sounds like a good plan.

Sneeze attack.

Also wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been so supportive these last few months, even though I've been a farily negligent friend in return. I've got a month to make it up to you. I really appreciated all the kind comments and messages.

My counter suggests my page has been viewed 3000 times. That's nuts. Who are you people? How did you find me?

Currently listening :
The Coast Is Never Clear
By Beulah
Release date: 11 September, 2001

let's go, oilers

Last night Darcy mentioned that the Oilers were playing the Canucks. I suggested we try to get scalped tickets in the second or third period if he really wanted to go. So we made our way to GM Place and saw one guy there selling tickets. The guy started off at $40 each for upper, upper nosebleeds. After humming and hawing and my almost walking away, the guy dropped it to $30 each. Darcy thought that was worth it, so we got the tickets and went in.

It was at the end of the second period, so I surveyed the lower reds to see if there were empty seats. I talked him into going to a row with a few empty seats, but he was a bit uncomfortable. What's the worst that can happen? We have to move? So I took off my coat, got comfortable, and waited for the third period.

Did anyone see the game last night? It wasn't the most exciting game, largely because the Oilers played and the Canucks didn't. It was 3-0 for the Oilers going into the third, so it wasn't like we could be disappointed. But the Oilers scored another goal and we got to cheer and it was pretty darn fun to be there and watch scores of people walk out with 5 minutes left in the third.

I think it's time to check out the UBC T-Birds schedule to see when the University of Alberta Golden Bears are playing. It's guaranteed to be a fast game. And in the winter I kind of miss Edmonton.

Next up for the rest of the week: seriously work on that fricking database that I keep talking about and not working on. Frick.

Currently listening :
Owl & the Pussycat
By Owl & the Pussycat
Release date: 18 February, 2003

totally crushed out

The cute boy at Blenz was very nice to me yesterday. I waited in line with my friend and he called around a woman at the counter to ask what I wanted. Then he made small talk, asking how my day was going, giving me some quality smiling/eye time. I caught him semi-staring at me while I waited for my hot chocolate. He is barely past the embryonic state (likely around 19, if that) and not at all interested in me, but it was my crush for the day. The green of his shirt illuminated him.

I left an unfortunate message on my friend's answering service last evening after feeling the weight of my world crashing around me. This self-sabotage frustrates me because I know I'm setting myself up to be rejected by someone I care about and, yet, want to know where I stand. I haven't heard back, but am pretty sure I've fucked up another friendship with my neuroses. Why can't my stupid brain stop trying to ruin my life for one minute?

"So I'll take the pins out of the doll. I'll take the darts out of the wall. I'm just so nice now, I'm not like before. I don't think of hurting you much anymore."

Rose Melberg is my patron saint of heartbreak.

Currently listening :
Go Sailor EP
By Go Sailor
Release date: 13 August, 1996