awesome = bad news

Current mood: the equivalent of crap

My co-worker told me I'm awesome today. I've been hearing that a lot lately. And I realised it's a meaningless description. To say someone is awesome is to say you have nothing else to say about that person. It's the new "good personality" that people used to use in blind date situations. No one really gives a crap if you're awesome.

And it's even worse when a guy says it. Like, am I supposed to feel good that I'm "awesome" even though it's only people who look at me as an asexual entity who say it? Because, really, it feels shitty when someone you're interested in says you're awesome. There's always a "but" after it. It's starting to feel like the kiss of death.

Currently listening:
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
By Dashboard Confessional
Release date: 20 March, 2001

operation bridesmaid

Current mood: deeply concerned... no, worried... terrified?

Tonight I went to my first bridesmaid meeting. I've known my engaged friend since I was 3 or 4, from the time we went to Storytime at the public library. Her wedding is next September. The other bridesmaids wanted to start planning the staggette/shower now. It's November. I'm terrified.

OK, terrified is too strong a word. Deeply concerned.

I mean, I love her dearly. I do. And she has no say in this whole staggette/shower thing. And I like to plan as much as the next OCD person. But, holy cow! It's 10 months! They're talking about getting seafood flown in from Nova Scotia!

Fine. It will probably be a blast. I just want it to unfold before me. Thankfully my current task is to wait for my new Polaroid to arrive in the post and start taking pictures of our planning meetings. I say meetings for a reason. It's just begun.

And I want to give a shout-out to my girl in E-town: Yo Dulcie! Happy Birthday! I'm listening to jale just for you! On cassette! Check out that cake!

Currently listening:
Dream Cake
By Jale
Release date: 12 July, 1994

gamer

Current mood: coughy

This has been a banner week. Thursday I met up with my girlfriends to play Scrabble. I've never played a whole game of Scrabble before and I remember why: I can't think of words from 6 consonants and one vowel. My vocabulary still hasn't recovered from the years abroad; I can't think of simple words, so forget about more challenging ones.

Then last night I went for a monthly games night at one of my co-worker's houses. We played some movie shouting game, then a music shouting game, and then attempted to play DVD Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit. The movie one was close, but the music one... my team kicked ass, doubling the other team. Then the pop culture TP was pretty disasterous. Hard questions. I mean, I thought I knew pop culture, but apparently I don't. But no one else did, either, so my team had the most pies by the time we left. One of the regulars tends to overdrink and becomes an obnoxious ass. Last night he fell asleep on the couch in the middle of the game, snoring loudly. It made me feel so sorry for the daughters, that embarassment of realising a room full of people were laughing at your dad.

Next time we might play a murder mystery. I'm hoping there are some fun games under someone's Christmas tree for the new year. I can't play games with my family, with all games turning into me or my dad yelling at each other, so this is surprisingly fun.

Currently listening:
The Boy With the Arab Strap
By Belle & Sebastian
Release date: 08 September, 1998

the balancing act

Current mood: unsettled/settled

My friend is back from a month in Edmonton and I'm so, so, so, so happy she's back. We had a nice chat about what's been going on with us, and then talked at length about creationism and how Dan Brown has failed in creating original fiction. She and I are similar in the way we deal with things and she gets me. Or maybe I can just relate to her easier than I can with other people and then can pour out the contents of my head/heart. Regardless, it's comforting to have her back in close proximity.

I've been feeling very unnormal recently and have been trying to figure out what to do about it. I think I've finally come to a conclusion:

It's time to run my life according to New Romantic songs from the mid-'80s. OMD and the Psychedelic Furs have some important life lessons to teach me. I just have to listen right. I would include Echo and the Bunnymen, but my "Killing Moon" 12" probably isn't a good indicator of where my head should be right now.

Currently listening:
The Best of OMD
By Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
Release date: 25 October, 1990

sad to say goodbye

Current mood: despondent

My poor little computer is dying. It's been a slow, painful death, and it hurts me to watch its demise. The red screen is making me blind. The slow speed infuriates me. The fact that the Windows application doesn't respond to my camera software upsets me. Now... the operating system was refusing to start up. It's up now, but I don't want to deal with this anymore. So I've made a serious decision.

It's time to get a new computer.

I'm toying with switching over to the other team. I think I'm going Mac. And, as Cute Neal says, "Once you go Mac, you never go back." I just want the least amount of hassle from any new technology I get. The stuff that has been breaking/dying is much too high maintenance for me. And I don't have to think too much about what options I want because there are only a few options in the Mac world. Choices make me anxious. I wish computers were more Communist. But not the Karl Marx kind of Communism; the Eastern European kind of Communist where it's really totalitarian and there is no choice.

Currently listening:
Casual
By The Shermans
Release date: 18 May, 2001

remembering

Current mood: melancholy

This morning I went to the cenotaph for the Remembrance Day ceremony and it was so miserable out. My friend pointed out that it was the least we could do to be somewhat uncomfortable in the rain for the hour or so we were there. I don't know that having nice weather on a day like today is appropriate. It's such a small sacrafice.

My dad called to let me know my Legion membership renewal is ready. When people incrediously ask why I'm a Legion member I have to stop myself from pulling out the old soap box and ranting about the younger generations' responsibility to continue to support our veterans of all wars, including the organisations that serve them as they age. With so many branches closing each year, it's the least I can do. I worry about all branches closing, the dissolution of the Legion, the loss of importance in Remembrance Day. I can't believe some provinces don't recognise it as a holiday. How far are we from it being just another day?

Currently listening:
Believe in Your Country
By Stompin Tom Connors
Release date: 19 October, 2000

the ditch

Current mood: annoyed

Seems like other people have a whole lot more going on in their lives than I do. Had plans to meet up with a friend last night, but it got postponed. Was supposed to be out with a friend tonight, but "other things" came up. Supposed to go to a craft fair with my sister tomorrow and she cancelled. Suggested people go for drinks tomorrow and had a couple of lukewarm responses that said they might come if they don't have something else going on.

Did I miss something? Do ou offend?

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to plan my life when other people can't give me firm yes/no answers to such gripping questions as, "Do you want to see that new Laura Linney film?"

So... I'm giving up. From now on I'm going to everything alone. Concerts, movies, dinner, lectures... everything. There's no point in making plans anymore.

As seems to be the trend lately... today I hate everyone.

Except for my friend David. He hooked me up with the Shelflife sale and I got 3 CDs and 2 7"s plus shipping and handling (what is that? handling? touching stuff?) for under $15CDN. Sweet.

Currently listening:
Gimme Five
By The Killjoys
Release date: 03 April, 1998

the mean reds

Current mood: nostalgic

Tonight I went to see Breakfast At Tiffany's at the Ridge. It was pretty awesome to see it on the big screen. The one problem was that, being over 40 years old, the copy had seen finer days. There were a number of skips and jumps, including my favourite scene where Mag Wildwood finally passes out after threatening to feed Rusty Trawler to the yak. Gone! But the ending was so much better spliced, where the music really couldn't build to that ridiculous crescendo of emotion. Because that's not the way it's supposed to end.

I want to be in love like in old movies. (Damn you, Ben Gibbard! You and your catchy songs!) Or with a George Peppard lookalike from his fine, and wildly handsome, years circa 1962. Amusingly and superficially talented if necessary.

Currently listening:
It's Love
By Softies
Release date: 26 September, 1995

hi fi/lo fi emotions

Current mood: topsy turvy

Yesterday I watched "Pretty In Pink" for, literally, the thousandth time and made a connection that I hadn't made before. See, one of the people I love most in the world I met over the internet. And the scene where Blaine sends the message to Andie while she's working on the computer... Well, the romanticism got me choked up. Sure, sure, they talked in Trax when he bought that shitty Steve Lawrence record, but that wasn't really talking. The computer exchange really got it all started.

And then, inspired by the "Pretty In Pink" soundtrack my wicked awesome friend Darcy gave me (signed by Jon Cryer!!!), I started listening to records and thought they were singing to me right at that moment. Reminding me. Telling me what I should be feeling. That being miserable is the right thing. That Comet Gain really recorded one of the most perfect songs when you're a girl feeling all sorry for yourself that the person you love can't love you back the way you want to be loved.

I saw that Comet Gain has a new album out shortly. I'm afraid to get it because I don't want them to convince me of some new feeling. I find comfort in the old familiar feelings they've been telling me about for years. "The world was never meant for us to sparkle, baby." The remembering makes my heart hurt, and it's nice to know that it's there sometimes. Twee as fuck.

Currently listening:
Sneaky
By Comet Gain
Release date: 23 September, 1997

what the hell is in the water?

Current mood: giddy

I have a confession. I love Coronation Street. Sure, it's a soap. Fine, it's been on for 40 or 50 years and I only just started watching it. But, holy crap, it's so addictive that I don't think I could stop watching if I tried. And I have no reason to try to stop. The CBC is about 7 or 8 months behind, but it's getting really good at the spot they're at right now. Murder! Abortions! Abstinence (on a soap!)! I mean, a family is in witness protection! The accents are such a good challenge to try to understand what some of them are saying.

But I have to wonder where the water supply for the street comes from because how can so much shit go down on ONE STREET? Like, not even a town or city like American soaps. This is just on the high road.

I used to watch Murder, She Wrote all the time with my dad. I could never understand how that woman could have so many friends knowing that she was always in the middle of a murder investigation. I mean, how many of her friends and relatives were accused of murder? Wouldn't someone clue into it and maybe not meet her for lunch when she's in town? Because you know that later that day you're going to be accused of murder.

Currently listening:
Friend I Once Had
By Club 8
Release date: 09 December, 2003

to the dark side

Current mood: sugar high crash

This week another friend announced her upcoming wedding. They're getting married next week by themselves, no friends or family. Friends...they're dropping like flies. They're all going to the dark side.

Speaking of which... The one nice thing about living in a dark home during this time of the year is that it's so dark outside most of the time with the crappy rain that my friends can't brag about how much more light they get in their houses. It's been raining for what seems like weeks, but I know that's not true. It looks like I might move to an above ground apartment next April/May, which is more exciting than I can say. A family friend has an apartment that is coming free and offered it to me. Slightly higher rent, but light! No spiders! More room!

The cemetery walk on Saturday was fine. Wound up wandering around with no particular route, but it let everyone sorta chat and veer off the path when they saw something. I'm hoping to get out to New Westminster shortly to the cemetery there, as it's older than Vancouver's and has John Deighton, aka Gassy Jack.

Have I mentioned lately that I love Sarah Vowell? I do. For true. Smart, smart, smart.

Currently reading:
The Partly Cloudy Patriot
By Sarah Vowell
Release date: 01 October, 2003