wrap-up

End of year in Japan means cleaning for days and giving gift sets involving towels and everyday items in an attractively wrapped box. The idea is to thank people for all they've done for you over the year and to continue a positive relationship, all with a clean house. The cleaning is meant to be a fresh start, to get all the bad parts of the year out with a little elbow grease and household cleaner. There's something reassuring about having a fresh start from year to year.

I have mixed feelings about 2009. In some ways it was OK. I have been more adult-like with a few of the relationships I've been in, ending on an OK note or trying to be rational or the like. I'm starting to feel like a professional in parts of my work life. Some of my friendships have been strengthened. But it was also and extremely sad year, heartbreaking. Losing both my grandparents is still something I have a hard time with, regardless of how old they were. This year has been filled with bouts of depression, extended and damaging, and it still frustrates me that I haven't figured it out. That I haven't figured me out.

How old do you have to be to know yourself? To be OK with the good and bad parts?

I've booked myself a little weekender to Las Vegas in February. The hope is to meet my friend for a visit and drink and dance with other soulies when the cabin fever normally hits its worst. I'm slightly worried it won't work out, that he won't get his shit together, but hopeful because others are planning for him and because I have to be. Regardless, I'm hoping the neon museum is viewable despite it being closed (awesome timing, as usual) and maybe a few other wee surprises. Time to get to sewing my '60s dresses in time for showcasing around Freemont.

Tomorrow I'm going to my friends' wedding, a new experience for traditionally uneventful New Years' Eves. Am hopeful it will be a good time, which might be the best way to end the year: hopeful.