People sometimes confide in me and, while I like being the pinnacle of discretion, sometimes the weight is so great. I have many, many secrets, but I wonder... If I had a secret that I needed help with, what would I do?
Really, with Christmas and all, it's the whole fear of immaculate conception that comes to mind. What the hell would I do if I was unwittingly impregnated without my knowledge? Who would I get to help with my predicament? Because, let's face it, pretty much no one would believe me. Immaculate conception? Puh-leeeeeeaze. They'd start tossing out names of people I may have accidentally breathed near who could have gotten me pregnant, completely excusing the fact that they know you can't get pregnant from sharing a soda at the pharmacy or by looking at someone's junk (right?).
Whenever my lady time is late by a day or two (doesn't happen often; I'm like clockwork) I start to freak out. Because, you know, this could be the month of spontaneous immaculate conception. And with no one believing me, I have no idea who could get me out of this whole scenario.
I'm not pregnant, if you were wondering. I'm just thinking about this whole thing in general, since Christmas is less than a week away. Did Joseph really believe Mary? What did Mary's parents think? The gossipy women down the way? Is that why they were on the move on the back of the donkey? No one believed her and they were cast out?
Just know that, if I should be unexpectedly preggers, I'll call you and ask, "You know that song 'Brick' by Ben Folds? Ya, that's me."
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