grandoise literary plans

I just placed a hold on a book that is on order at work. Seriously, how could I not with a quote like this?

"A chicken is not ready to kill for the table until you think it is. Pick it up, feel its weight, and feel its breast. If it feels tempting, then you should kill it if you want to."

If the animal references were changed to men or women and "kill" were changed to something a little less deathy, I'm pretty sure the book would be a how-to-date bestseller. A variation of "The Game," if you will. It gives instructions how to choose a good cow, which involves squeezing the udders to check for lumpiness. I wonder how to get the rights to translate it into a dating book...

My new hair is great and I'm enjoying it, but people seem to be staring at me a lot more lately. I catch people on the bus looking at me intently, which is a little unnerving sometimes and is not always welcome, especially when they clearly need to be medicated.

A friend in my neighbourhood met her partner at a bus stop when they lived on the prairies. I can't even imagine how that could happen in Vancouver. The last guy I met on a bus (who seemed nice and normal) wound up petting my hair and trying to stick his fingers in my mouth when we went for a drink at the Ivanhoe (the flashback is making my stomach turn... his suggestion that we go to the Ivanhoe should have been a massive red flag).

Perhaps there's a chapter in my new dating book for checking teeth to see if the person is a suitable match.