anticlimactic means to an end

I finished the last of my schoolwork this morning. I am done with school. I think this is a good thing. Yet, at the same time, I feel so underwhelmed that I wonder if I'm missing something.

I don't know what I expected. Bells and whistles, high fives, people falling over themselves offering me jobs: these are not things I thought would happen when I finished. Nothing seems appropriate. Because, honestly, even though I had ridiculously supportive people around me for the duration of this degree, I am insular and don't expect anyone to care. It isn't really going to improve anyone else's life. And I'm not much fun to be around right now, so it seems weird when people acknowledge the school thing because I don't really deserve any adulation lately.

You know what I really want? I want to be nice and not have people annoyed with me because I'm so overwhelming. What do I do if I don't become more relaxed and easy going now that I have more time? What if I'm just always a bitch now? This freaks me out, yet I can't figure out how to avoid being terrible, except to hide in a cave somewhere. I'm almost positive there aren't any library jobs in caves. Or under rocks.

Mini notes:
1) I got to see my sweet friend Olivia today for brunch and had a lovely visit and walk through the West End. She was taken with Mole Hill and was intrigued by JapaDog as we walked by. So great to see her!
2) Next week I have to get some gum surgery done, which sort of freaks me out because I will still be recovering when I leave on my trip. And then I won't have any dental coverage. Do I have any reason to be terrified about my mouth being cut up? I will try not to watch any of those terrible horror films involving mouth torture.
3) Daniel Johnston plays this week and I'm stoked! In some ways, I'm terrified to see him, but at the same time hopeful that he's doing better and that this is the best thing for him.
4) I think I may miss seeing cherry blossoms at this rate. They're falling off trees like crazy, and I haven't had time to sit under them yet. :(
5) When I visit Toronto, I get to see the storage areas at the Bata Shoe Museum!!! Holy crazy, this will kick ASS!!! I'm getting excited about this trip, but will discuss it later.

I'm going to wallow in self-pity for a while and maybe figure out if I want to try to get to the Army & Navy shoe sale at 7am tomorrow in the hopes of getting some shoes before work.