Friday, October 21, 2005

fear of babies

Current mood: unmotivated

Holy crap! My friend, the one in Japan that took over my job there, sent an email chronicling the surprising new developments in her life since I last saw her in August. Suffice it to say I was completely, hand-over-mouth shocked.

She's been dating one of my J-friends for three years. They were maybe going to get married eventually. No rush. No immediate plans. In the hours after I sent her off drunk on Canadian beer things changed rapidly...

Starting with pregnancy tests and ending in marriage, she had a few things to tell me. And it's pretty freaking exciting to know that, in less than a year, I'll be able to see her, her husband, and her new baby when they come for a visit/reception.

But it also made me realise how terrified I am of being pregnant, in the same way I'm terrified of being buried alive and being stuck in a sinking car. I have zero interest in having children. None. And I'm not even close to ever wanting to be pregnant. Which makes me wonder if there's a gene that makes people want to be pregnant and have kids, because I lack it. And that's OK with me. Babies scare me. They're, like, a longterm committment. I get bored easily. My attention span is short. I like to be alone sometimes.

Also, watching hockey games with a Frenchman is amusing. Tonight we're going to see the Giants vs. the Rockets. Rad.

Currently reading:
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (Vintage)
By Dave Eggers
Release date: 13 February, 2001

Thursday, September 8, 2005

the big secret

Current mood: swoony

At Bumbershoot last weekend, one of the things I really wanted to see was the authors' readings. The big reason was Sarah Vowell, the funniest history nerd ever. So, she came on and said she had musical accompaniment and who should come out but Death Cab For Cutie. So they played some stuff and it was great and... I think I hate Ben Gibbard. He wore a stupid-looking hat and tickets to their shows here are way more than I care to spend on a show at the fricking Commodore. Damn you, Ben Gibbard!

I was really excited to see the Math and Physics Club and they were very cute and shy and awkward and mainly married. So this doesn't bode well for me because I would like to meet someone who is cute and shy and awkward and if that sort of boy is getting married with little effort...

Seattle was very fun and I'm planning to go back for another visit when the Tiffany glass exhibit opens at the Seattle Art Museum in October. We went to this place called Turf (maybe The Turf, but the sign just said Turf) and I had a decent cheeseburger and fries for $3.45 ($3.77 with taxes). And the boy at the hostel desk is very cute.

Currently listening:
Movie Ending Romance
By Math & Physics Club
Release date: 18 July, 2005

Saturday, August 27, 2005

wedded bliss?

Current mood: terrified

Today I'm going to a wedding with my friend. His friend from college is getting married and my friend's girlfriend is busy with work, so I'm the surrogate girlfriend for the day. I'm a little terrified about it because weddings freak me out. That level of committment is something I don't quite understand, and I resent having to wear a dress and do my hair and wear contacts.

The dress I was going to wear would have been nice. I feel pretty good in it and it's easy to wear. The problem is that the zipper totally broke a couple days ago (it had been causing me problems for a while anyway) and I don't have enough time to get another zipper, rip this one out, and sew the new one back in. So... yesterday I had to get a dress. I hate, hate, hate dress shopping. (Actually, shopping in general is horrifying because I don't like spending money.) The one I got was on sale, but required new shoes as well and now I think that, to give a nice *ahem* neckline, I'll need to pick up a new *ahem* foundation garment. I mean, if I'm going to wear a dress, I might as well have perky boobs. It is a gamer wedding; there must be a massive number of guys who are socially retarded and haven't seen boobs in person... ever.

This week I also found out my oldest friend (I've known her since we were 4) is getting married next year. I'm really excited for her, but the wedding...

Currently listening:
Vauxhall and I
By Morrissey
Release date: 22 March, 1994

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

unboyfriendable

Current mood: self-depreciating

People always tell me about guys they know who've had crazy girlfriends. So now I've been wondering if guys like girls who are crazy or if they just like hot girls who happen to be crazy and they tolerate the crazy to be with a hot girl. I think the latter.

I seem to be crazy. Nuts. Completely. I lose my shit often and it's becoming more normal than normal. Freaks me out. And I can assure you that guys aren't interested in my kind of crazy. I'm beginning to wonder if my kind of crazy is just amusing, that people enjoy laughing at my insanity but don't care to know why.

My friend asked me why I just let him talk and I don't offer much info about myself. He didn't understand when I said that people rarely ask about me. Who wants to deal with crazy?

Currently listening:
Terrible Things Happen
By The Aislers Set
Release date: 31 July, 1998

Saturday, August 13, 2005

and the pendulum swings

Current mood: irrational

I talked to Rachel last night and was surprised to hear that, after the rooftop party, our friend Laura thought something was going on between me and my neighbor, who is also my friend's brother. Having spent essentially zero time seeing/talking to Bob the last 6 months up until a few weeks ago, I couldn't understand where she was coming from. I mean, I thought it was strange that he invited me to his birthday party and wanted to come over for iced tea in my backyard gazebo, but I just figured he felt guilt that he lives, literally, half a block away and I never see him. But I won't complain. He laughs at my lame jokes. And walks me home from his house after dark.

Everyone keeps asking me where I got my CBC shirts. And I was snarky about it because I would think that CBC shirts come from the CBC. But every person who has asked about them asked where. Gosh, I am a bitch.

Currently listening:
Go Sailor EP
By Go Sailor
Release date: 13 August, 1996

Friday, August 12, 2005

on the decline

Current mood: sad

Last night I found out the guy I've been seeing so much of has absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. Apparently I'm around simply because I'm interesting and plan a lot of social engagements and I'm good to talk to. Otherwise I'm a eunuch.

Which got me wondering... How do I get shoved into the friend category against my will? What is it about me, specifically, that makes boys want to date my friends?

Admittedly, it does sorta play into all my romantic notions, that I will forever be thwarted by love and such. People often think romance is supposed to be all puppy dogs and fairy tales... Not me. Romance is supposed to rip your heart out and stomp all over it. And it does a fairly good job of mine on a somewhat regular basis. I'm starting to think I should go back to having no heart at all because it was slightly less painful than now.

I'm waiting for a sign to enter the nunnery. Like a flyer that says, "Join the nunnery."

Currently listening:
The Only Reason I Feel Secure
By Pedro the Lion
Release date: 16 October, 2001

Monday, August 1, 2005

days of summer

Current mood: hopeful

This summer, while starting cold, has really picked up.

Yesterday I went to a Pride brunch at a friend's friend's house before the parade. Had a nice chat with one of the boy's moms and drank champagne at 10:30am. Those gay boys sure know how to do it up right. Since I never manage to see an entire Pride parade, I figured I wouldn't try this year, and instead went to the Powell Street Festival with Rachel, Nathan and Augusten to try to recapture natsu matsuri. We had takoyaki and kakimizu, and I watched Nathan scarf down so much food I thought his belly would explode. Tony left a message to bbq on the beach, so Bob picked me up and we headed over to R&N's to pick up the stuff and the baby. Had Stampede burgers with bacon and cheese, chipotle potato salad (recommended), broccoli and bacon salad, and apple pudding cake. The weather was fantastic and the air was warm but not too warm. We threw a frisbee around a little and basically sat around chuckling about a baby at another area crying constantly for almost an hour.

This weekend I also went to see a soccer game with my sister and Dairn. He's never played, so it was weird to try to remember rules and such enough to explain it to him. We went for beer and wings after and Anita ranted a bit about the US. The game whet my interest for more sporting events, so I think a trip to Nat Bailey is in order.

Also saw the fireworks on Saturday from the rooftop of my friends' building. Lovely view, and we immediately ate ice cream and cake when it finished. Strongbow in bottles! Hotdogs! Perogies! I was a little overwhelmed by the large number of people I didn't know, but managed to sit away for a while and absorb.

Friday is the third annual Skatomatic Rooftop Party. Should be a good one.

Currently listening:
Black Mountain
By Black Mountain
Release date: 18 January, 2005