The war on drugs better not be aimed at me. I'm on drugs. I like being on drugs right now.
I'm on drugs because I had gum surgery today. It was both better and worse than I anticipated. I sat quietly with my eyes closed for 1 1/2 hours while the dentist painlessly (at the time) added gum tissue from the roof of my mouth to the lower right side of my gums. It wasn't really as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I still didn't want to see what was happening and so just concentrated on trying to listen to the TV shows playing (my dental office amuses patients with flat screens in each room) while they suctioned. I was happy when I could close my mouth.
My dentist pointed out that I missed the blood splatter on my neck during the clean-up. Then he showed me his handiwork. That's when my normally unflappable tolerance for pain and blood got the best of me.
I'm not supposed to talk for a few days, to give my gums time to heal a bit from the stationary position that not talking allows. My mouth is also full of, essentially, silly putty that covers the two cut-up areas. When I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription I couldn't talk if I wanted to because the freezing started to wear off. When the pharmacist asked me which prescription was mine I couldn't even answer, tears forming in my eyes as I tried to open my mouth, leading him to check the prescriptions and guess which was me. By the time I got home I felt like my face was being ripped off.
When I had my wisdom teeth out, it was no small surgery. Things were cut up, I couldn't eat for almost a week, and the stitches didn't stop the bleeding for days. I took one Tylenol 3 the first day and that was it. This time I've beat that in the first 10 hours. I'm anticipating I'll have to take it according to the prescription.
Needless to say, I'll be at home on the couch tomorrow instead of working my last reference shift.
On the upside, Boost offers a variety pack of chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and mocha meal replacements. Gosh, I'd kill for the ability to eat noodles or beef jerky right now. (Don't ask about the beef jerky. I can't explain it.)
I'm hoping for a speedy recovery. Since I'll be in NYC a week today.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
bitch, on being a
My co-worker picked up a requested book that she decided wasn't what she was looking for and passed it on to me. "Why men love bitches" gives a little hint as to why the meanest girls seem to have guys falling over themselves. I'm hoping it's a satire.
When I did my undergrad, a large number of my male friends would often tell me I was a bitch, though not meant in a bad way. I didn't really care anyway; I kind of was. I don't know that being a bitch is really enough to get and keep people interested in you, though. And I kind of resent that not taking crap from people means you're a bitch. No one should have to take crap.
Usually people just blamed my bitchiness on being a Scorpio anyway.
I was much happier when I cared less about the stupid shit people would do that affected me. It was usually easier to stop talking to people than to talk things out. At some point someone suggested that it was childish to do the former rather than the latter so I got a bit more touchy-feely. In hindsight I don't think touchy-feely is the way to go. Talking things out... I'm not a fan.
Still, I guess burning bridges with people isn't a great method either.
If I could, I would just phone in to radio shows for advice on how to deal with things that a bitchier me wouldn't tolerate.
When I did my undergrad, a large number of my male friends would often tell me I was a bitch, though not meant in a bad way. I didn't really care anyway; I kind of was. I don't know that being a bitch is really enough to get and keep people interested in you, though. And I kind of resent that not taking crap from people means you're a bitch. No one should have to take crap.
Usually people just blamed my bitchiness on being a Scorpio anyway.
I was much happier when I cared less about the stupid shit people would do that affected me. It was usually easier to stop talking to people than to talk things out. At some point someone suggested that it was childish to do the former rather than the latter so I got a bit more touchy-feely. In hindsight I don't think touchy-feely is the way to go. Talking things out... I'm not a fan.
Still, I guess burning bridges with people isn't a great method either.
If I could, I would just phone in to radio shows for advice on how to deal with things that a bitchier me wouldn't tolerate.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
i doubt it
Last night I saw Daniel Johnston and while it was sweet and brought me close to tears, I realised that I am an eternal pessimist. There is no chance for the kind of optimism he has.
I find myself in situations that can do nothing but end badly. Even the seemingly positive ones just don't pan out and I'm left wondering what I did this time to fuck things up. Because the common denominator in all these situations is me.
As I walked from the bus to my house early this morning, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness that very little seems to be going right lately. There's all this potential for great things to happen, but then little things remind me that, inevitably, I will fail in the process and a little bit of my soul will die with each failure.
It's hard to be optimistic when this sort of realisation hits you.
So please understand that I'm going to lay low for a while. I just can't stand the thought of fucking up more friendships right now because it's really the only thing that is a sure thing right now.
I find myself in situations that can do nothing but end badly. Even the seemingly positive ones just don't pan out and I'm left wondering what I did this time to fuck things up. Because the common denominator in all these situations is me.
As I walked from the bus to my house early this morning, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness that very little seems to be going right lately. There's all this potential for great things to happen, but then little things remind me that, inevitably, I will fail in the process and a little bit of my soul will die with each failure.
It's hard to be optimistic when this sort of realisation hits you.
So please understand that I'm going to lay low for a while. I just can't stand the thought of fucking up more friendships right now because it's really the only thing that is a sure thing right now.
Friday, April 18, 2008
grandoise literary plans
I just placed a hold on a book that is on order at work. Seriously, how could I not with a quote like this?
"A chicken is not ready to kill for the table until you think it is. Pick it up, feel its weight, and feel its breast. If it feels tempting, then you should kill it if you want to."
If the animal references were changed to men or women and "kill" were changed to something a little less deathy, I'm pretty sure the book would be a how-to-date bestseller. A variation of "The Game," if you will. It gives instructions how to choose a good cow, which involves squeezing the udders to check for lumpiness. I wonder how to get the rights to translate it into a dating book...
My new hair is great and I'm enjoying it, but people seem to be staring at me a lot more lately. I catch people on the bus looking at me intently, which is a little unnerving sometimes and is not always welcome, especially when they clearly need to be medicated.
A friend in my neighbourhood met her partner at a bus stop when they lived on the prairies. I can't even imagine how that could happen in Vancouver. The last guy I met on a bus (who seemed nice and normal) wound up petting my hair and trying to stick his fingers in my mouth when we went for a drink at the Ivanhoe (the flashback is making my stomach turn... his suggestion that we go to the Ivanhoe should have been a massive red flag).
Perhaps there's a chapter in my new dating book for checking teeth to see if the person is a suitable match.
"A chicken is not ready to kill for the table until you think it is. Pick it up, feel its weight, and feel its breast. If it feels tempting, then you should kill it if you want to."
If the animal references were changed to men or women and "kill" were changed to something a little less deathy, I'm pretty sure the book would be a how-to-date bestseller. A variation of "The Game," if you will. It gives instructions how to choose a good cow, which involves squeezing the udders to check for lumpiness. I wonder how to get the rights to translate it into a dating book...
My new hair is great and I'm enjoying it, but people seem to be staring at me a lot more lately. I catch people on the bus looking at me intently, which is a little unnerving sometimes and is not always welcome, especially when they clearly need to be medicated.
A friend in my neighbourhood met her partner at a bus stop when they lived on the prairies. I can't even imagine how that could happen in Vancouver. The last guy I met on a bus (who seemed nice and normal) wound up petting my hair and trying to stick his fingers in my mouth when we went for a drink at the Ivanhoe (the flashback is making my stomach turn... his suggestion that we go to the Ivanhoe should have been a massive red flag).
Perhaps there's a chapter in my new dating book for checking teeth to see if the person is a suitable match.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
everything that's fit to print
At work my co-worker showed me a copy of a book written by a soap opera character. You read that right: a character wrote a book. The back page is an advertisement for a perfume designed to coincide with the release of this book. You can buy the perfume at Sears.
This makes me nuts.
Fiction is already having a hard enough keeping its head above water. Publishing houses are shutting down like crazy, sales of fiction are dropping (as touted in all the publishing periodicals), writers are constantly being called on plagiarism. This isn't a good time for fiction.
And then this sort of crap comes out.
My other co-worker informed me that Snoop Dogg is writing fiction now. I'm checking titles in our online catalogue and on the same page see that Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn (aka Brooks and Dunn) have a western book out, and Gene Hackman wrote a prison-break book. I have never wanted to read works of fiction from any of those people and, quite frankly, never want to encounter them because I think it would put into question my ideas on censorship.
Maybe people really are becoming more stupid. If people actually want to read this crap, wouldn't they have to be? I mean, I won't even sign out Pam Anderson's fiction, let alone pay for it.
This makes me nuts.
Fiction is already having a hard enough keeping its head above water. Publishing houses are shutting down like crazy, sales of fiction are dropping (as touted in all the publishing periodicals), writers are constantly being called on plagiarism. This isn't a good time for fiction.
And then this sort of crap comes out.
My other co-worker informed me that Snoop Dogg is writing fiction now. I'm checking titles in our online catalogue and on the same page see that Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn (aka Brooks and Dunn) have a western book out, and Gene Hackman wrote a prison-break book. I have never wanted to read works of fiction from any of those people and, quite frankly, never want to encounter them because I think it would put into question my ideas on censorship.
Maybe people really are becoming more stupid. If people actually want to read this crap, wouldn't they have to be? I mean, I won't even sign out Pam Anderson's fiction, let alone pay for it.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
anticlimactic means to an end
I finished the last of my schoolwork this morning. I am done with school. I think this is a good thing. Yet, at the same time, I feel so underwhelmed that I wonder if I'm missing something.
I don't know what I expected. Bells and whistles, high fives, people falling over themselves offering me jobs: these are not things I thought would happen when I finished. Nothing seems appropriate. Because, honestly, even though I had ridiculously supportive people around me for the duration of this degree, I am insular and don't expect anyone to care. It isn't really going to improve anyone else's life. And I'm not much fun to be around right now, so it seems weird when people acknowledge the school thing because I don't really deserve any adulation lately.
You know what I really want? I want to be nice and not have people annoyed with me because I'm so overwhelming. What do I do if I don't become more relaxed and easy going now that I have more time? What if I'm just always a bitch now? This freaks me out, yet I can't figure out how to avoid being terrible, except to hide in a cave somewhere. I'm almost positive there aren't any library jobs in caves. Or under rocks.
Mini notes:
1) I got to see my sweet friend Olivia today for brunch and had a lovely visit and walk through the West End. She was taken with Mole Hill and was intrigued by JapaDog as we walked by. So great to see her!
2) Next week I have to get some gum surgery done, which sort of freaks me out because I will still be recovering when I leave on my trip. And then I won't have any dental coverage. Do I have any reason to be terrified about my mouth being cut up? I will try not to watch any of those terrible horror films involving mouth torture.
3) Daniel Johnston plays this week and I'm stoked! In some ways, I'm terrified to see him, but at the same time hopeful that he's doing better and that this is the best thing for him.
4) I think I may miss seeing cherry blossoms at this rate. They're falling off trees like crazy, and I haven't had time to sit under them yet. :(
5) When I visit Toronto, I get to see the storage areas at the Bata Shoe Museum!!! Holy crazy, this will kick ASS!!! I'm getting excited about this trip, but will discuss it later.
I'm going to wallow in self-pity for a while and maybe figure out if I want to try to get to the Army & Navy shoe sale at 7am tomorrow in the hopes of getting some shoes before work.
I don't know what I expected. Bells and whistles, high fives, people falling over themselves offering me jobs: these are not things I thought would happen when I finished. Nothing seems appropriate. Because, honestly, even though I had ridiculously supportive people around me for the duration of this degree, I am insular and don't expect anyone to care. It isn't really going to improve anyone else's life. And I'm not much fun to be around right now, so it seems weird when people acknowledge the school thing because I don't really deserve any adulation lately.
You know what I really want? I want to be nice and not have people annoyed with me because I'm so overwhelming. What do I do if I don't become more relaxed and easy going now that I have more time? What if I'm just always a bitch now? This freaks me out, yet I can't figure out how to avoid being terrible, except to hide in a cave somewhere. I'm almost positive there aren't any library jobs in caves. Or under rocks.
Mini notes:
1) I got to see my sweet friend Olivia today for brunch and had a lovely visit and walk through the West End. She was taken with Mole Hill and was intrigued by JapaDog as we walked by. So great to see her!
2) Next week I have to get some gum surgery done, which sort of freaks me out because I will still be recovering when I leave on my trip. And then I won't have any dental coverage. Do I have any reason to be terrified about my mouth being cut up? I will try not to watch any of those terrible horror films involving mouth torture.
3) Daniel Johnston plays this week and I'm stoked! In some ways, I'm terrified to see him, but at the same time hopeful that he's doing better and that this is the best thing for him.
4) I think I may miss seeing cherry blossoms at this rate. They're falling off trees like crazy, and I haven't had time to sit under them yet. :(
5) When I visit Toronto, I get to see the storage areas at the Bata Shoe Museum!!! Holy crazy, this will kick ASS!!! I'm getting excited about this trip, but will discuss it later.
I'm going to wallow in self-pity for a while and maybe figure out if I want to try to get to the Army & Navy shoe sale at 7am tomorrow in the hopes of getting some shoes before work.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
star sighting?
Today I saw John Doe.
It was in the lobby at the Chan Centre, after Douglas Coupland's chat to Arts students (of which I am one). He has scary light blue/green eyes and I eventually pretended he wasn't there because his eyes reminded me of Children of the Corn. I know he has a real name, but I refuse to acknowledge it. He's pretty cute in person.
DougCoup was amusing, at least until he talked about his bouts of depression and writer's block (remedied by eating dark chocolate). Some of the most helpful "miscellaneous tips":
- Your 20s are the worst time of your life. Don't expect anything good.
- Drinking is great.
- Like something enough and eventually you'll get a job doing it.
- Japan is fun.
There was more stuff, but I can't remember much more than when he called us all lucky little pukes. I can't believe I talked myself out of getting him to sign my first edition "Microserfs." Though it seems likely this won't be the last chance.
Unrelated...
Today proved productive, with both website assignments ready to have stuff dropped into them. Now I just have to write the content. I've been trying to write the content for 3 weeks. Guess I should get some dark chocolate and see what happens.
Anyone want to go drinking next week/weekend?
It was in the lobby at the Chan Centre, after Douglas Coupland's chat to Arts students (of which I am one). He has scary light blue/green eyes and I eventually pretended he wasn't there because his eyes reminded me of Children of the Corn. I know he has a real name, but I refuse to acknowledge it. He's pretty cute in person.
DougCoup was amusing, at least until he talked about his bouts of depression and writer's block (remedied by eating dark chocolate). Some of the most helpful "miscellaneous tips":
- Your 20s are the worst time of your life. Don't expect anything good.
- Drinking is great.
- Like something enough and eventually you'll get a job doing it.
- Japan is fun.
There was more stuff, but I can't remember much more than when he called us all lucky little pukes. I can't believe I talked myself out of getting him to sign my first edition "Microserfs." Though it seems likely this won't be the last chance.
Unrelated...
Today proved productive, with both website assignments ready to have stuff dropped into them. Now I just have to write the content. I've been trying to write the content for 3 weeks. Guess I should get some dark chocolate and see what happens.
Anyone want to go drinking next week/weekend?
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