I'm having a shitty day. It's really hard to keep things in perspective when it seems like the most basic parts of my life are falling apart.
Work is just a mess in general and it seems like there's something new daily to make it worse. Today I found out the department I work in and was hoping to continue to work in is, essentially, being knocked down to the lowest possible priority and shoved into a corner to be forgotten, quite literally. It seems unlikely there will be any place for a librarian to work on this floor, so I can kiss my co-workers (whom I adore and are the only reason I haven't completely lost my shit at work) goodbye when I have to resign my hours at the end of April.
Today I also discovered that my last tuition payment is enormous and I have to pay for fees that I can't actually benefit from, like athletics fees and a UPass. I don't know... that just seems stupid to me. It's money I could better use for when I don't have a job.
School... I just can't even talk about it. I'd be surprised if I managed to finish anything at this point. I think I'm about 2 inches from rock bottom.
I also know I'm being avoided, and that is frustrating because I can't do anything about it. It's impossible not to take something like that personally because it can't be anything BUT personal. Fine, I can be overwhelming and demand more of friends than they're willing to share of themselves, but avoiding... Just fricking TELL me you don't want to talk to/see me. Don't avoid me for weeks at a time. Geezus.
In short, my day could be better. I know that, really, I have nothing to bitch about because my life isn't that bad. I'm not a drug addict, living on the street, dying of anything, penniless, or completely alone. I'm just having a bad day; I really hate it.
I'm going to drink after work until I can't see and try not to alienate myself further with those that still actually speak to me. At this point, it will be a struggle.
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