I've taken to double-sleeping these mornings. When I have nothing set in bronze that has to be done, I try to go back to sleep after the initial 5/6am against-my-will wake-up. Some mornings there's nothing that will put me back to sleep. Other days, like this morning, I manage to get a little extra sleep that I must need but never get.
This morning during my first awake time, I looked at food blogs to add to my growing list. When the morning is quiet, it's a perfect time to find nourishment, and I secretly hoped I would find a recipe that would turn yogurt into bacon. (I did not.) One of the blogs had some interesting recipes, but also references to weddings. I am not a fan of weddings; there's something heartbreaking about seeing people so in love that they pledge their lives to one another, knowing it's going to end someday one way or another. Still, the blogger is a pro writer and was engaging. I scrolled to the writing about her wedding and I cried for the duration.
By all accounts, it was a sweet story. At 40, she married the only man she will ever need to marry. The wedding part of it was nice and sounded like a touching, amusing affair (they had whoopie cushions for the guests to sit on after they were pronounced husband and wife). The parts that made me weep were her description of her life before her husband, and it rang a little too close to mine for comfort. Having decided I am not the marrying type, it made my heart hurt that I might be wrong.
I'm not sure I was actually asleep this morning when the alarm went off. I wanted to make sure I was up in time to organise myself for a noon walk, so set the alarm late in anticipation of maybe sleeping more than 6 hours. The radio played a song midway through about how much summer romances suck. It was sweet and sad, and it's the first time in a long time I've actually searched out something on Radio 2.
So today I'm going to try to be hopeful.
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