Yesterday I met up with my good friend to catch up. I haven't seen him since September and haven't had much chance to talk other than a few rushed conversations. It was good to enlighten him on some of the more... interesting... events of the last month or so and get his perspective on some of it.
One story, in particular, I knew he would find interesting because he knows one of the people involved and I wanted to see if I could surprise him. The look on his face was actually worth the humiliation of admission and that it took him about 5 minutes to recover made it all the more hilarious and sad. I think he's just happy that anything noteworthy is happening in my life, even if it is a bit tumultuous and generally fucked up. Secretly, so am I. I kind of find soap opera drama funny, even when it's happening to me. Don't get me wrong: I hate feeling fucked up, but it's something.
That's the thing. When nothing was going on in my life, when I was just coasting along waiting for something to happen I didn't feel like I was alive. Now I feel something: some of it good, some of it bad, but SOMEthing. I need to learn how to roll with it all and not take things as seriously as I usually do. You know this; I told you.
Last night I talked to a friend about a shitty conversation/argument we had and I actually apologised for the way I had acted and admitted to being selfish. Me. I never do that. But lately I've been trying to stop being so passive aggressive and to take ownership of (some of) the stuff I've fucked up without overapologising. I suspect that this new trend might actually be less stressful in the long run, but I'm still in the trial stage to see how it goes over and how well I do with it.
Still haven't gotten over being insensitive, but I suspect that will require ongoing work.
Things of note in upcoming weeks:
- The Grates @ Media Club, Nov.19th
- Christine's 40th birthday, Nov.17th
- Bonnie "Prince" Billy @ St. James, Nov.10th
- Remembrance Day @ Billy Bishop, Nov.11th
- two full days off work (by force)
- a barrage of assignments due weekly from now until Dec.8th
- possible party at mine shortly after Dec.8th
Currently listening :
Evolution
By Ayumi Hamasaki
Release date: 27 February, 2001
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