OK, I might be having a hard time coping.
My house guest has arrived and I've been avoiding the house as much as possible to see if the anxiety will lessen if I'm not constantly reminded of my new responsibilties. I'm sure it will be OK, but I came home today to hear a message asking for money and saw that my pile of loonies for laundry are gone. I can't eat anything in the fridge because it isn't enough for two people and I don't want her to do without until I can get time to buy groceries. I know this is part of the deal, but it still freaks me out, knowing I'm taking care of someone else. For those of you who claim I'll change my mind about wanting kids: no way in hell.
Last night I stayed at my friend's house because we were supposed to be up most of the night anyway watching movies. That ended earlier than anticipated, so I was a bit wound up when it was time to go to bed. At some point I starting having a minor panic attack and spent a good portion of this morning worrying about everything that is piling up that I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to deal with. Even hair-stroking didn't completely solve all my problems; still, it was nice to be cared for and it helped for a little while. Is there some sort of hair-stroking machine? I am in need.
I skipped class Monday and this morning. I just didn't think I could concentrate on listening to anything that requires note-taking. Really, I don't even want to do homework so how can I convince myself to go to classes only to be reminded of the homework I can't convince myself to do and the time that I'm wasting listening to someone talk instead of doing homework? Not sure how much information I should share with my profs about what's been going on with me because when I say it out loud it sounds like weak excuses for not keeping up.
If I thought I could get away with it, I would just curl up in my bed and not come out until May and hope everything works out on its own.
Hopefully the weather is just making me feel more melodramatic than usual and that sunnier skies will make everything seem a little less impossible. If only it would stop raining...
Currently listening :
Spring Collection
By True Love Always
Release date: 16 July, 2001
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