This morning the sound of the rain splatting dully against my bedroom window made my heart hurt. It reminded me of awaking to the same sound with a body beside me, alive but disconnected, so close yet never close enough. As I lay in bed I tried to will the rain to stop, to make the feeling go away, for the memories of emotional distance despite proximity to slide away like the droplets on the glass.
To counteract, I put on the most sorrowful song I could think of so my ears would be distracted away from the feeling in my heart. Caetano Veloso singing "Cuccuruccu Paloma" has quieted the pangs of regret and heartbreak, but I know it is only temporary.
For all I know, the words could be about cleaning the garage out or building a birdhouse. The words are irrelevant. It is his voice, the tone, that shushes the feelings the rain brings. He has lost. He knows.
Soon I must try to figure out how to feel less. Or wear earplugs to block out the sound of rain.
Currently listening :
Talk to Her
By Alberto Iglesias
Release date: 05 November, 2002
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