milquetoast

Not much seems to be happening with me, so I haven't felt like writing much lately. I fear today will be a lot of blogarrhea (thank you, Urban Dictionary).

I've been trying to figure out if I'm unmotivated or depressed, and if it's the same thing. Apparently, the most depressing day of the year is January 23rd, so I'm trying hard to convince myself that everything will come together after the 23rd. If not, I have a box of minty chocolate covered Oreos in my cupboard that will at least provide some temporary happy from the chocolate, and mint is meant to calm you, right?

School is blah and I can't convince myself to do assignments, even though I have the time to do them. I also realise I hate talking about school, yet it's the first question everyone asks me. I think I need to get a shirt that says, "Don't ask me about school." I know people are genuinely interested, but I'm not interested enough to give a good answer.

This evening I met my dear friend for tea at a nearby coffee shop. It was so lovely to hang out with him; we don't see each other as often as we used to, what with me and school/work and him with work/special projects/girlfriend. He has to move because his flatmate has decided to move in with his girlfriend, leaving him to find a decent place by March. But it will be the first time ever in his 30ish years that he'll live alone, so that's pretty exciting. Living alone is a treat. On the plus side, no one will ever again ask him if his "roommate" is his boyfriend.

My old flatmate keeps trying to get me to visit Halifax. Since Sloan has moved away from there, there seems little point. I can get behind a trip to Toronto, if only I had the time...

Sometimes I worry that I'm becoming a really mean person. I intentionally, indirectly do small things to one specific person in the hopes that she will freak out at me. Granted, had she not taken to lying to me and generally doing calculated, evil things to me I wouldn't have to go all passive-aggressive on her, but still... Being mean is supposed to be a lot of work. It's unfortunate how easy it is for me to undermine this evil doer's evil doings. I suppose the 33 1/3% of evil contained within my body is showing some muscle. I hope it can be contained once the full brunt of it is released. I don't not like many people, but when I do I really don't.

This week's goal is to clean out my fridge of vegetables without any of them going bad. That includes the squash I cooked that sits in a container, waiting to spring into action as a side dish or as an addition to a main course recipe. I've been searching for recipes that call for ham; I've got a small chunk yet to use and I'm getting sick of it. Once it's gone I'm off the meat for a while. How is pork the other white meat, yet ham (from the same animal, I'll remind you) is that disgusting pink colour? This is what is currently driving me away from meat products.

In one of my classes, the instructor regularly says, "Let's dim the lights." I immediately, in a low, soft voice, say, "And chill the ham." No one else gets it, so I quietly chuckle to myself, which, in retrospect, explains why people shuffle their chairs away from me during class or pretend they don't know me.

"The Hipster Handbook" came through work today and I was reminded that I'm a poseur. Lately I've been feeling very milquetoast, but I don't mind. Decision-making is highly overrated sometimes. And I can't even figure out how to use up walnuts.

Off to bed. Good luck this week, friends.

Currently listening :
A Groovy Place
By The Mike Flowers Pops
Release date: 30 June, 1998