saintly

In regular conversation my co-worker informed me, while I was drinking an unusually large gulp of water, that he was in a beatification program. I nearly spit at him.

He went through Catholic school and learned all the things he needs to do to become a saint. He mentioned that he is on the first step towards becoming the saint he believes himself to be. He also has a bookmark of himself in a saintly pose with wings that his sister gave him. He said his slogan is "holier than thou."

His first miracle: curing our co-worker's headache. Seems she had a headache when she got to work in the morning and by the end of the day he had eliminated it from her, just by sitting near her. He thought he should write out a statement for her to sign, just to make sure it was accurate. He wasn't sure if she could clearly state the miracle, so wanted to leave nothing to chance.

Other miracles of the day: he walked with an open mug of coffee from the Blenz to our workplace without spilling a drop, and he consoled a co-worker who needed 20 copies of a book just at the moment someone came up to her with 40 copies.

I feel compelled to counter his claims. Firstly, with the first miracle, he gave her Tylenol. With the coffee, he drank it from the top off the counter, so only had to keep his hand moderately steady. And, finally, the co-worker had talked to a few people about needing this particular book, including the woman who gave the extra copies to her, so chances were good she was going to get them.

When he was a kid he used to have a lot of nosebleeds and had extra big ones right before Easter. His friends said it was his stigmata, that nose bleeds that excessive had to be related to the crucifixion of Jesus. Blasphemous.

Obviously he's joking. I mean, he was the one who came up with the "Fits me like a glove" quote on the OJ Christmas card that got axed. He listens to Ethel Merman, for cripes sake!

Currently listening :
The Life Pursuit
By Belle & Sebastian
Release date: 07 February, 2006