Last week I had a lengthy text message exchange with my friend. We agreed to instant message at a certain time after both of us finished with our nights out. He texted that some of the guys he'd been out with were at his house and he'd try to get rid of them as fast as he could, but they seemed deadset on staying until his house was free of booze. I figured, since they were already drunk, it wouldn't be long.
Three hours later, at roughly 5am, the last text from my friend came in. He'd given regular updates of what he had tried to kill the party. Because of the nature of our friendship, it always comes down to music. No better way to kill a party than playing crappy music. And, as any rational person would assume, if you play shitty music then no one will want to stick around. Not so in this circumstance.
I think the problem was that he started off with things that they might actually like while they were drinking all his beer. When he started playing what he perceived as crap, they were already in a good mood, ready to party longer. When he informed me that he'd played Flock of Seagulls and they'd all fallen asleep at his kitchen table, I knew what a complete failure he is at killing a party. I mean, he's a fricking DJ; those guys don't have any idea how to kill a party, only how to get the party jumping.
So that got me to thinking... What would I play to kill a party?
I know a few things that have made people lose interest in conversation and start staring off into space. First: Miles Davis. It is remarkable how people lose focus and realise the time and make a quick path to the door when you put on a 37 minute opus from his drug-induced time. Italian pop music from the '60s does the same. You toss on some Gigliola Cinquetti and people clamber for the door handle. I find men will be repulsed by Debbie (not Deborah) Gibson and teenaged Alanis. Oddly, Animotion does the same, though for me I would totally stay at a party that had "Obsession" playing... That song is dope.
If all else fails, I have a lethal stash of J-pop that is unbearable to listen to. You know how Japanese girls speak in cutesy high-pitched voices to sound cute? Imagine that put to music.
1 comment:
When I was working the music section at Chapters and wanted customers to leave, I used to play Johnny Cash's "American IV: The Man Comes Around." THEY FLED THE STORE. This was just before Johnny became trendy so perhaps it wouldn't work anymore, but I suspect it would still be effective. It's a great album, but I'm sure it's played in purgatory.
Post a Comment