nest(ing) egg(s)

My fear of being destitute is irrational, but I still do stupid things to sabotage myself and make the irrationality seem more real.

This month I've spent an entire paycheck on stuff. Nothing in savings, nothing to my credit line, nothing to RRSPs... The computer was unexpected, but I could have managed it. But then... I discovered that Bath & Body Works is now open in Richmond Centre and then I got a Wii last night. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It's still in the box. I haven't had time/effort to set it up and not sure if it will happen before Friday. It's just lucky I have nothing planned until Saturday evening. I'll figure out what was saved from my old computer (did manage to salvage photos/music, which is awesome) and sew the hell out of the dress I need for the Robbie Burns dinner I've got a ticket to on Saturday, and that's about it. Such excitement in my life.

I suspect subconsciously I don't see any point of planning ahead too much. Saving seems pointless because I'll likely have to work until I die anyway, and things I would like to save for (a home of my own, trips) I will never have because, alone, it's unattainable. (I'm not sure how much traveling alone you've done, but I've been alone on nearly all of my trips and I don't have the personality to engage with strangers everywhere I go. I just don't. So traveling alone is often very lonely and is why I visit cemeteries and natural history museums: people expect you to look miserable at them.) But a new camera or new tights are totally attainable.

Also, I bought 5 lbs of pink grapefruit because they were cheap. I'm not even sure if I like pink grapefruit. I like drinks made with pink grapefruit, but as a fruit on its own... No idea. But for a second I thought it was something someone my age would eat and in the basket they went.

I would go on, but I feel another ridiculous tangent coming on.