Tonight I ate more food than one person should, giving myself heart pains and making me wish I had a liquid to ingest that would make the pain go away. As my plate emptied into my stomach I still didn't feel full.
This is much like my regular life outside of my autonomous competitive eating. I'm always trying to fill my head and my heart with more than a normal person should attempt at one time, yet I never feel full; it's never enough. No matter how much time I spend with friends or how many activities I pack into my day, the empty is still there. All this stuff isn't even a drop in the bucket.
What's most frustrating is I don't even really know what would make the empty disappear. I make poor decisions, hoping the resulting turmoil will do something, will at least give me an idea if it's helping to alter the container inside me. I try to find things to tempt at least one of my senses, hoping one will trigger something. But it doesn't change, the water level never goes up.
When I got home from work I put in a load of laundry and was angry that I had to go back and forth to check on it. I thought of all the people who had someone else to check their laundry for them sometimes. It isn't fair that I have to do this by myself.
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