Daniel Johnston's "True love will find you in the end" has been running through my head and it's making me almost crazy, as usual. I have a weird sinking feeling this time, though, that maybe I'm doomed and he's wrong.
Earlier this week I met my friend Simone to see Coco Avant Chanel at Fifth Ave. We'd been talking about it for ages, so were pretty keyed up for it. It was a decent movie, revealing little about Chanel that I didn't already know, but seeing the drama of her life recreated was interesting. The actor who played Boy Capel... He was smouldering. Alessandro Nivola's little moustache and penetrating eyes made us swoon. But it was the relationship between Boy and Chanel that sort of floored me.
Again, it wasn't a surprise at all, but for some reason it really hit me. I used to think she was terrible for carrying on with a married man for so long, but now... Not that I think she was right to be involved with him, but I understand now why it went on so long. Sometimes it just so happens that the person you're meant for is married to someone else.
I can't help thinking of Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Desk Set is again fresh in my mind and it's still sad to me that they had to hide their relationship for so long because he wouldn't divorce his estranged wife. Another reason to resent Vatican II.
The thing that has been making me feel so uncomfortable the last few days is that the worry I used to carry around with me is back. My dearest friend and I have had a rocky relationship over the years, the worst of it when he got married without telling me. The similarity to the Boy/Chanel relationship was not lost on me. But the thing that I've always been worried about was that something would happen to him and I wouldn't know. But I've really tried not to think of that and just be content that our friendship is active and we are OK. Boy's car accident hit a bit too close to my heart. The worry is back.
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