i'll tell you what i do when my day is over

Seriously, sometimes I feel like the biggest fucking loser ever.

Saturday nights I am almost always home. It's a rare night if I'm out. And this isn't by choice or anything so noble. No, it's because my phone doesn't ring, my messages go unanswered, my attempts to socialise are generally thwarted in favour of something better. I am always in conjunction, never the featured attraction. I have come to expect this and so have all but given up on trying. It's a given that all weekends from now until I die crushed underneath a mound of paper that needs shredding will involve me watching TV alone. Good times.

Today I worked a few hours at Langara and came home to continued kitchen issues. Currently my outlets don't work, which means no cooking unless I want to drag my stupid oven into the hallway. The only option is to boil water on the floor or in my bathroom and eat some kimchi noodles I've been saving in case I get sick and don't get a chance to stock up on nourishment (though I refuse to get sick). I've decided that, in light of my surprising situation of being home alone on a Saturday night, I'll instead eat Peek Freans and watch the most romantic (read: depressing) musical movie ever made.

The pack of DVDs I ordered came in yesterday, so I picked them up today and painstakingly peeled them from their cellophane prisons. These are the sort that I can easily watch over and over. Tonight: The Women and possibly (though likely) Les parapluies de Cherbourg. The former is meant to make me want to finish sewing my dresses, the latter I watch as punishment for failing in all relationships I've been in. I got it specifically because it deals with an ill-fated relationship, something I know all too well and feel I need to remind myself of on a constant basis. Really, the colours and clothes look amazing and that it's almost entirely sung is inconsequential (even though I like musicals a great deal). I'm trying desperately to keep myself from Desk Set tonight because it might push me over the edge, forcing me to buy pop and drink Jack & Coke all night. I believe drinking alone until you pass out is a sign that you have a drinking problem.

Do I know how to party or what?