the fear

How I wish I were more interested in making jam. I really, really do.

I've been meaning to make jam for more than a week and it hasn't happened. One of the things stopping me is that I have to actually go and buy canning supplies and I don't really want to. I don't want to because I'd have to drive. I don't want to drive because this city freaks the crap out of me.

When I visit my parents I am the only person who drives. Mom and Dad prefer me to drive; Dad says it's to keep me in practice, Mom just doesn't like to drive unless she has to. While they're away they've left me their truck with expressed instructions to drive it around. I'm just such a chickenshit. I'm afraid of driving alone in the city because I'm totally not used to it and am worried that someone is going to smash into me because I'm not doing something right and that would be very, very bad. Sigh.

So the man that I think is really attractive at work popped in to see if I could find some electronic links to printed copies of reports he got from somewhere. It seriously took me about a minute to find and send off the links, and I had to drop off the printed copies that he left with me. Five emails passed between us in less than two minutes to organise. He has the sweetest office above the institute's president with a nice view of the surrounding area. He kept wheeling towards me, but never got out of his chair (he's quite a tall man). We had a short, amusing conversation about throwing parties in his office and getting busted by the cops who have offices down the hall. When I got back to the office I mentioned the sweet office and my boss said something about him being cute and I agreed that, yes, he's an adorable man. And she said she'd have to figure out a way to bump into him to see if he's single for me. I am afraid.

Speaking of men I have no chance with, I'm half debating buying a ticket for Dead Man's Bones for Saturday. But I'm also supposed to have people over for dinner, so chances are that's not going to happen. Guess I should see if they're coming over...

Sometimes I'm a thumping bore.