low/down

Today was a low day.

I didn't sleep well last night. This morning I still couldn't sleep and watched the minutes edging closer to the time my alarm was set to go off. I felt very alone. The rain was falling. My tea wasn't very tasty, even with honey. My milk went bad 4 days early. I think the fridge is failing me because the milk turned and the mayo froze and sometimes water drips from the top of the fridge. Work was dull and long, despite really liking my co-workers. I feel out of sorts.

The first day of rain and this is what happens to me. This does not bode well for the remaining winter months.

Why, I wonder, does rain make me feel alone?

Lately I've been worrying about how much I've been neglecting my friends. I can't focus on anything or anyone for very long because I'm always worrying about school or work or how I'm going to pay for my life. I just talked to one friend for the first time in weeks and wasn't able to concentrate on what he was saying. It's the same with pretty much everyone. I can't understand how they can be so understanding just because I've overplanned my life.

I've decided that I'm not going to celebrate my birthday because it's pretty selfish to expect people to make that effort for me when I'm not making the effort for them. And, really, what's so great about birthdays anyway? They just remind me why I hate the rain.

Currently listening :
The Bends
By Radiohead
Release date: 04 April, 1995