A strange observation: when I'm happy at work, I'm generally pretty healthy. I eat well, I manage to put together balanced meals and drink enough water and exercise a little bit everyday. I don't really get sick when I feel like work is good.
I haven't been back to work yet. My sleeping patterns have been messed up, leaving me wide awake at 2am and with 2 or 3 hours sleep under my belt by the time the alarm goes off. Today I was in the shower and my head was pounding, my intestines churned, and I decided I wasn't strong enough to do my commute today. It worries me that I'm taking this job for granted like I am. Am I really ill or am I making myself ill?
Tomorrow I'm going in. There is no question. I just need to figure out how to feel healthier and get in the right state to enjoy this job more. It's a pivotal job for me and if I fuck it up I'm going to have to find a new profession. No one will hire me if I don't do well with this contract. And I wish I were being dramatic; a huge number of entry jobs require less than 2 years experience and the others require huge skill sets that can only come from working full-time. Maybe that's making me sick. When this contract ends I'll be in that weird limbo state, more than 2 years experience without a full-time job, and I'm not sure I'm doing well enough in this job to get me work after it's done. Maybe the stress thinking about all this is making my body shut down. Maybe I'm sabotaging my future self.
On the upside, I've still got Tylenol 3s and shredded a majority of the stuff that needed to be shredded. And I'm so close to getting my sewing machine set up again.
1 comment:
Tylenol 3's will cure anything...try taking before bed to knock you out!
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