homelessness & hopelessness

I'm getting more highstrung about this moving thing. I'm starting to lose sleep over it.

I feel like I should start packing my life away, just in case I have to move in an instant. But the thought of packing my apartment while I lack a place to move to makes me uneasy. What if I wind up living in a storage locker because I can't find a place?

You may think I'm overreacting, but have you looked at what people think living in Vancouver is worth? Most of the rents would require more than 3/4 of my income, and that's with my bump in pay. It's nice that people wanted a rental investment, but COME ON. Who, in their right mind, would pay $1500 to rent a 450 square foot one-bedroom apartment in Vancouver? I guess I'm just too cheap to live well because I can barely bring myself to look at places that cost over $900. Which is why I have nowhere to live.

Some mornings I think about just moving up the street to the park to establish myself there since I'm two months away from living on the street anyway.

Yesterday I saw a listing for a place on 15th and Main, and I responded 20 minutes after it was posted. Unfortunately it was for tomorrow, which I initially said was too soon (I said mid-month was better), but by the time I said I would pay for the whole month (about an hour) I must have been too late because I haven't heard anything back. And so... the fear sets in.

I don't want to live in an area I don't particularly like again because the longterm depression really isn't worth $700 rent. But I would have to completely lose my shit to pay $1500 in rent per month to live where I want to live. Still, places in my neighbourhood don't seem to be readily available. And now I get to fight with students for cheap places.

Cripes, I'm fucked. Look for me in the park rambling incoherently soon.