the setup

I'm starting to have second thoughts about New Year's. Like, maybe I should just stay home and lie fetal in the corner, trying not to listen to The Softies. In theory, I know it's best not to avoid others, but that seems like a better option right now.

My plans should be fun. I'm going to a '50s/'60s sock-hop with friends, all of whom are fun and I like a lot. I feel OK with wearing a dress and have no embarrassment or nervousness about how I look. But, listening to a few of them talk tonight, I realise I stand a high chance of being ditched mid-night. I guess the difference between me and them is that I am fairly positive I'll be going home alone while they all expect to hook up with someone.

I've been having anxiety about having to walk home alone when, at midnight, I realise I have lost them all to others and the options are to stand awkwardly alone around complete strangers or stand awkwardly alone while friends try not to leave me out, but obviously have to. Honestly, I can't begrudge them that; they're all attractive people and should take advantage of being attractive. But in a competition for attention, I hold no illusions: I can't compete. I may be setting myself up for certain disaster.

In the end, obviously, I will go and stand a 50/50 chance of having a miserable time. I just have to remind myself that the same odds are true for having a blast. Really, can I expect this New Year's to be any different than any other one? I'm hoping to be hopeful tomorrow.