Today on the bus a guy got on and started walking towards the back where I was. I glanced up and did a double-take. He looked like an ex-friend I stopped talking to (because he was emotionally abusive and tried to make me feel guilty for getting into grad school when he didn't). It looked so much like him that I had to stare, trying to figure out if it was him as he came down the aisle. He smiled and I looked away. When I looked again he sat down across from me, but I realised it wasn't the ex-friend and that he had smiled at one of his buddies.
What a relief.
Had it been him I don't know what I would have done because I'm not interested in making up with him. During the time that we were friends I'd never been so unhappy or felt so bad around another person. There is nothing he could say that would make me change my mind about cutting him out of my life. And things starting improving almost instantly after the breakup of our friendship.
I mention this because it's the time of year when friendships seem to end. It troubles me. I don't have the energy to keep friendships intact and am concerned those wanting out will sense my weakness and eliminate me over the next couple of weeks. But then there's nothing I can do so I probably shouldn't worry about it.
Should be worrying about the presentation due tomorrow that I haven't started. That's probably a bigger worry right now.
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