freeze frame

Because of the ridiculous number of cameras I bought while in Japan (I was a superfan of mail order camera shopping), I decided I shouldn't buy any more cameras. Like, ever. I stopped counting the number I've accumulated because it's almost embarrassing to admit. Let's just say it's more than 2 dozen, but less than a gross. And I've been pretty good about not buying more; it's been almost a year (well, 10 months) since I bought anything camera-related (which wound up being a pack of cameras, and by pack I mean 5). I am set for cameras. I don't need any more.

But then today I got an email from Lomo that almost made me change that pledge. The new old Diana F+ with retro flash almost made me hit "add to basket" because it's so cute. My friend used to pick these up from thrift stores for $2, often in the original box, and I was always so jealous. I settled for a Holga before the price got ridiculous because I couldn't get Dianas for a reasonable price. But I always wanted a Diana.

Now... I still want a Diana, but these are way out of my price range. Maybe I can convince my friend to give me one of his when I see him next. Just they never came with the cute teal colour trim before.

This actually reminds me... I always meant to have a day of toy camera shooting to use up all the film in my cameras (some is at least 6 years old!), but haven't thought of it when I've actually had time. And now I can't even imagine when I'll have time to do it. It was meant to be a party, for everyone to go out and use up the film, and then when the film was developed have a little showing. I won't have time to do this until after I finish school, so I'll probably forget again and the film will be almost 7 years expired. (I'm actually excited about the expired film because it's so unpredictable and I love the error potential of film.) Of course, there's always the chance the weather will be perfect on a day when I wake up and have a day off from school and work, and might think to take out a few of the cameras to shoot the perfect light. There's a particular time of the morning that is just beautiful and crisp and makes everything look bright. Rarely do I get to document those moments, so it would be a coup if I could get something special from the expired film and the right time of day.

Today I hate everyone. And I can't even bake to make things seem better.

run in with the law

I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting soft in my old age. Yesterday I went to the cop shop to get a criminal record check done for work, a requirement because I work with vulnerable people or deal with financial trust or some other shit that isn't, in fact, accurate. I shelve books in the Young Adult section once a week. I touch cheques a couple of times a month. Apparently my employer has decided after 4 years not to trust me and requires me to get a check or else they can fire me. So I've waited until the last minute to do it and yesterday was the day to make it happen. Were I more opposed to The Man, I would have put up more of a fight. As it stands, I've caved and allowed my employer to pry into my past criminal record.

As far as I can remember, the only times I've ever been stopped by police have been for throwing water balloons out of car windows and for driving a 1973 black Camaro that used to be orange. I am not the sort that gets belligerent with the po-po, choosing instead to run away from the law before they see me. All those parties in high school that got busted up? I ducked out the back door and jumped over the fence as soon as the police turned onto the street. Had anyone complained about the *paddywacking incidents during my formative driving years I likely would have been hauled up on assault. But they didn't.

Waiting in line, I realised I have no interest in going back there for any reason. It's a boring building and I can't see any benefit in hanging out among people who just sort of hang out there for no apparent reason. I'm sure there are loads of eligible bachelors who make visits to the police station on a regular basis, but I'm not sure we have enough in common to make a compatible match.

Yesterday I also bought a book for school, which starts in a few days. I was hoping to have a fun-filled weekend, seeing people I like before I disappear for another 4 months, but it looks like all my best intentions are moot. Cancellations, illness, double-booking... these are the sorts of things that, in two weeks or so, will make me angry and yelly, and no one will want to talk to me anymore.

So now I have to suck it up and find other things to do, like figure out if my oven will broil things because I'm getting tired of stove-top cooking. I also miss baking. It's one of the easiest ways for me to calm down and deal with stress, and I'm concerned that I'm going into my most course-heavy semester without an operational oven. On the upside, I made coconut rice and a green curry last evening that was kickass. But this has nothing to do with the oven. Maybe I should buy some yeast and see if that bread maker works... That's almost baking, right? Am I right?

Oh, I also got a haircut yesterday and it looked much better when it was fresh. Today, not so much, but will be cute again with a little work.

*Paddywacking is a summer sport that involves driving close to pedestrians along the campsite road in my hometown while wielding a plastic oar from an inflatable raft set and patting people on the bum with the oar as the car drives by. It's a developed skill because you don't want to hurt them; you just want to scare the crap out of them.

aftermathing

I can't tell if I feel dreadful or not. This morning I awoke to my alarm, a rare occurrence that means one of two things: I went to bed really late, resulting in less than 5 hours sleep, or I am getting ill. It's hard to tell which it is because yesterday was a write-off and I didn't get nearly enough sleep the night before. So I might just be really tired or fighting an illness. I hope it's the former.

New Year's went OK. I had a couple people over for pre-drinks before heading out to a sock-hop in Gastown. In retrospect I should have either stopped drinking after the pre-drinks or drank less before we got to the club. Double gimlets sneak up on you, making you think you're OK until you just aren't. I remember being a little belligerent and sweary before we left my house; by the time we got downtown I was worse. I believe I told one of my friends that his tight pants were hot (um... sorry about that), twisted my ankle quite badly just after midnight, and kept falling on people on the dancefloor. I think this might have pissed people off, but I was too drunk to care.

Thankfully people take care of me when I'm in a state. Left on my own, I'm not sure I would have been able to make decisions that would result in me sleeping in familiar surroundings. One friend said we were walking home and I didn't fight at all, even though it was cold and my ankle was throbbing. I remember getting on a bus, but don't remember crossing Skid Row or walking through Chinatown. Once safely inside my house, everything becomes much clearer and I know I drank a lot of water and took a painkiller before sleeping.

Even though I didn't wake up ill, I didn't feel like leaving my couch yesterday at all. Friends came by to collect forgotten bits in the haste of heading to the club, and I met them looking a little worse for wear. Upon surveying my shoes, I realise they will be unwearable as fancy shoes because of the weird black marks all over them. I should have been watching all the DVDs I have out right now (including the 4th & 5th seasons of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," which I'm finding harder to watch), but instead I kept falling asleep like a narcoleptic. By the time bedtime rolled around I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I was entirely wrong.

And now I am falling asleep at the keyboard, even though I have to write a ridiculously huge summary of a redesign project's measurements to present to the head of my floor, to be used by architects. I wish someone could make me a spreadsheet that would do all the work.

the setup

I'm starting to have second thoughts about New Year's. Like, maybe I should just stay home and lie fetal in the corner, trying not to listen to The Softies. In theory, I know it's best not to avoid others, but that seems like a better option right now.

My plans should be fun. I'm going to a '50s/'60s sock-hop with friends, all of whom are fun and I like a lot. I feel OK with wearing a dress and have no embarrassment or nervousness about how I look. But, listening to a few of them talk tonight, I realise I stand a high chance of being ditched mid-night. I guess the difference between me and them is that I am fairly positive I'll be going home alone while they all expect to hook up with someone.

I've been having anxiety about having to walk home alone when, at midnight, I realise I have lost them all to others and the options are to stand awkwardly alone around complete strangers or stand awkwardly alone while friends try not to leave me out, but obviously have to. Honestly, I can't begrudge them that; they're all attractive people and should take advantage of being attractive. But in a competition for attention, I hold no illusions: I can't compete. I may be setting myself up for certain disaster.

In the end, obviously, I will go and stand a 50/50 chance of having a miserable time. I just have to remind myself that the same odds are true for having a blast. Really, can I expect this New Year's to be any different than any other one? I'm hoping to be hopeful tomorrow.

packages full of surprises

Just home from the ballet. I love going to the Nutcracker around Christmas. I haven't been for a few years, but am always happy when I go.

I know I've mentioned in the past my particular appreciation for the costuming in ballet, especially for the *ahem* men. This time round the women around us also appreciated the costuming as well. At first the girls in front of us snickered when they saw the bulges, to the chagrin of my viewing partner. "How infantile!" she exclaimed. Towards the end of the second half the ladies beside us exclaimed how hot the one guy was and how enormous he looked. I would never tell that to strangers; even I have my limits.

Still... it was totally true. I know they wear some sort of cup to stop from bouncing around. (This part in "Juno" made me laugh because it's exactly the reason I can't watch long distance running/marathons. Those shorts are distracting and a little frustrating to watch. Sausage swords...) But, seriously, there was packaging EVERYwhere.

The actual costumes were quite lovely, as were the sets. I forgave them the canned music rather than a symphony because everything else was pretty great.

I realised as well that it was 7 years ago tonight that I sat in the Auditorium in Chicago in the 12th row for $10 to watch the Nutcracker. Wish I were there now.

The thing about the ballet that makes me laugh is people treat it like figure skating. In skating, when someone lands a jump people clap. People were doing the same tonight, which is a little distracting and normally clapping should be saved. I also can't believe the things people wear out to cultural events. Dresses with closures found on swimsuits are a brave choice for the ballet. I also realised that one of the reasons I like the ballet is the symmetry. Often movements are in even numbers and there are usually an even number of dancers. This appeals to my even counting obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

full of surprises

Aside from all the crappy crap of the workday (like 3 people quitting. Why they couldn't wait another week for my supervisor to return so I wouldn't have to deal with it, I don't understand and sort of resent), today had some awesome bits.

The boss librarian on my floor and I had a conversation last week about coloured pyrex and I mentioned how disappointed I was that I couldn't get my grandmother's coloured pyrex. She asked if I like pink and I said I did. Then today... pink pyrex! Seriously! She gave me a super awesome pink pyrex casserole with lid and stand so it doesn't have to sit on a pot warmer or something. Sweet score!

Then one of my other co-workers slipped me a lumpy envelope shortly after. When I opened it, I found something he and I discussed ages ago when he brought in a piece of toast with the imprint of the Virgin Mary and used it to sell his beatification claims. Now I, too, can have Virgin Mary toast. The next person who sleeps over gets a piece for breakfast. I can just see people jumping at the bit.

Last Saturday I went to Daiso with my sister after a particularly belly-filling dim sum. (I really like going for dim sum in places where my party is the only one with whities. Makes it feel more authentic. Even if they talk bad about us.) Anyway, I collected some bento bits so, in theory, I could be making bento lunches any second. I keep looking at these fantastic bento blogs (this and this mostly) and it seems so easy. In reality, bento are a fricking nightmare to make. Still... the boxes and other paraphernalia are fun and sort of make me want to try to make them.