Today I hate everyone. And I can't even bake to make things seem better.

run in with the law

I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting soft in my old age. Yesterday I went to the cop shop to get a criminal record check done for work, a requirement because I work with vulnerable people or deal with financial trust or some other shit that isn't, in fact, accurate. I shelve books in the Young Adult section once a week. I touch cheques a couple of times a month. Apparently my employer has decided after 4 years not to trust me and requires me to get a check or else they can fire me. So I've waited until the last minute to do it and yesterday was the day to make it happen. Were I more opposed to The Man, I would have put up more of a fight. As it stands, I've caved and allowed my employer to pry into my past criminal record.

As far as I can remember, the only times I've ever been stopped by police have been for throwing water balloons out of car windows and for driving a 1973 black Camaro that used to be orange. I am not the sort that gets belligerent with the po-po, choosing instead to run away from the law before they see me. All those parties in high school that got busted up? I ducked out the back door and jumped over the fence as soon as the police turned onto the street. Had anyone complained about the *paddywacking incidents during my formative driving years I likely would have been hauled up on assault. But they didn't.

Waiting in line, I realised I have no interest in going back there for any reason. It's a boring building and I can't see any benefit in hanging out among people who just sort of hang out there for no apparent reason. I'm sure there are loads of eligible bachelors who make visits to the police station on a regular basis, but I'm not sure we have enough in common to make a compatible match.

Yesterday I also bought a book for school, which starts in a few days. I was hoping to have a fun-filled weekend, seeing people I like before I disappear for another 4 months, but it looks like all my best intentions are moot. Cancellations, illness, double-booking... these are the sorts of things that, in two weeks or so, will make me angry and yelly, and no one will want to talk to me anymore.

So now I have to suck it up and find other things to do, like figure out if my oven will broil things because I'm getting tired of stove-top cooking. I also miss baking. It's one of the easiest ways for me to calm down and deal with stress, and I'm concerned that I'm going into my most course-heavy semester without an operational oven. On the upside, I made coconut rice and a green curry last evening that was kickass. But this has nothing to do with the oven. Maybe I should buy some yeast and see if that bread maker works... That's almost baking, right? Am I right?

Oh, I also got a haircut yesterday and it looked much better when it was fresh. Today, not so much, but will be cute again with a little work.

*Paddywacking is a summer sport that involves driving close to pedestrians along the campsite road in my hometown while wielding a plastic oar from an inflatable raft set and patting people on the bum with the oar as the car drives by. It's a developed skill because you don't want to hurt them; you just want to scare the crap out of them.

aftermathing

I can't tell if I feel dreadful or not. This morning I awoke to my alarm, a rare occurrence that means one of two things: I went to bed really late, resulting in less than 5 hours sleep, or I am getting ill. It's hard to tell which it is because yesterday was a write-off and I didn't get nearly enough sleep the night before. So I might just be really tired or fighting an illness. I hope it's the former.

New Year's went OK. I had a couple people over for pre-drinks before heading out to a sock-hop in Gastown. In retrospect I should have either stopped drinking after the pre-drinks or drank less before we got to the club. Double gimlets sneak up on you, making you think you're OK until you just aren't. I remember being a little belligerent and sweary before we left my house; by the time we got downtown I was worse. I believe I told one of my friends that his tight pants were hot (um... sorry about that), twisted my ankle quite badly just after midnight, and kept falling on people on the dancefloor. I think this might have pissed people off, but I was too drunk to care.

Thankfully people take care of me when I'm in a state. Left on my own, I'm not sure I would have been able to make decisions that would result in me sleeping in familiar surroundings. One friend said we were walking home and I didn't fight at all, even though it was cold and my ankle was throbbing. I remember getting on a bus, but don't remember crossing Skid Row or walking through Chinatown. Once safely inside my house, everything becomes much clearer and I know I drank a lot of water and took a painkiller before sleeping.

Even though I didn't wake up ill, I didn't feel like leaving my couch yesterday at all. Friends came by to collect forgotten bits in the haste of heading to the club, and I met them looking a little worse for wear. Upon surveying my shoes, I realise they will be unwearable as fancy shoes because of the weird black marks all over them. I should have been watching all the DVDs I have out right now (including the 4th & 5th seasons of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," which I'm finding harder to watch), but instead I kept falling asleep like a narcoleptic. By the time bedtime rolled around I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I was entirely wrong.

And now I am falling asleep at the keyboard, even though I have to write a ridiculously huge summary of a redesign project's measurements to present to the head of my floor, to be used by architects. I wish someone could make me a spreadsheet that would do all the work.

the setup

I'm starting to have second thoughts about New Year's. Like, maybe I should just stay home and lie fetal in the corner, trying not to listen to The Softies. In theory, I know it's best not to avoid others, but that seems like a better option right now.

My plans should be fun. I'm going to a '50s/'60s sock-hop with friends, all of whom are fun and I like a lot. I feel OK with wearing a dress and have no embarrassment or nervousness about how I look. But, listening to a few of them talk tonight, I realise I stand a high chance of being ditched mid-night. I guess the difference between me and them is that I am fairly positive I'll be going home alone while they all expect to hook up with someone.

I've been having anxiety about having to walk home alone when, at midnight, I realise I have lost them all to others and the options are to stand awkwardly alone around complete strangers or stand awkwardly alone while friends try not to leave me out, but obviously have to. Honestly, I can't begrudge them that; they're all attractive people and should take advantage of being attractive. But in a competition for attention, I hold no illusions: I can't compete. I may be setting myself up for certain disaster.

In the end, obviously, I will go and stand a 50/50 chance of having a miserable time. I just have to remind myself that the same odds are true for having a blast. Really, can I expect this New Year's to be any different than any other one? I'm hoping to be hopeful tomorrow.

packages full of surprises

Just home from the ballet. I love going to the Nutcracker around Christmas. I haven't been for a few years, but am always happy when I go.

I know I've mentioned in the past my particular appreciation for the costuming in ballet, especially for the *ahem* men. This time round the women around us also appreciated the costuming as well. At first the girls in front of us snickered when they saw the bulges, to the chagrin of my viewing partner. "How infantile!" she exclaimed. Towards the end of the second half the ladies beside us exclaimed how hot the one guy was and how enormous he looked. I would never tell that to strangers; even I have my limits.

Still... it was totally true. I know they wear some sort of cup to stop from bouncing around. (This part in "Juno" made me laugh because it's exactly the reason I can't watch long distance running/marathons. Those shorts are distracting and a little frustrating to watch. Sausage swords...) But, seriously, there was packaging EVERYwhere.

The actual costumes were quite lovely, as were the sets. I forgave them the canned music rather than a symphony because everything else was pretty great.

I realised as well that it was 7 years ago tonight that I sat in the Auditorium in Chicago in the 12th row for $10 to watch the Nutcracker. Wish I were there now.

The thing about the ballet that makes me laugh is people treat it like figure skating. In skating, when someone lands a jump people clap. People were doing the same tonight, which is a little distracting and normally clapping should be saved. I also can't believe the things people wear out to cultural events. Dresses with closures found on swimsuits are a brave choice for the ballet. I also realised that one of the reasons I like the ballet is the symmetry. Often movements are in even numbers and there are usually an even number of dancers. This appeals to my even counting obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

full of surprises

Aside from all the crappy crap of the workday (like 3 people quitting. Why they couldn't wait another week for my supervisor to return so I wouldn't have to deal with it, I don't understand and sort of resent), today had some awesome bits.

The boss librarian on my floor and I had a conversation last week about coloured pyrex and I mentioned how disappointed I was that I couldn't get my grandmother's coloured pyrex. She asked if I like pink and I said I did. Then today... pink pyrex! Seriously! She gave me a super awesome pink pyrex casserole with lid and stand so it doesn't have to sit on a pot warmer or something. Sweet score!

Then one of my other co-workers slipped me a lumpy envelope shortly after. When I opened it, I found something he and I discussed ages ago when he brought in a piece of toast with the imprint of the Virgin Mary and used it to sell his beatification claims. Now I, too, can have Virgin Mary toast. The next person who sleeps over gets a piece for breakfast. I can just see people jumping at the bit.

Last Saturday I went to Daiso with my sister after a particularly belly-filling dim sum. (I really like going for dim sum in places where my party is the only one with whities. Makes it feel more authentic. Even if they talk bad about us.) Anyway, I collected some bento bits so, in theory, I could be making bento lunches any second. I keep looking at these fantastic bento blogs (this and this mostly) and it seems so easy. In reality, bento are a fricking nightmare to make. Still... the boxes and other paraphernalia are fun and sort of make me want to try to make them.

the most wonderful time

I really have to apologise to friends who normally get Christmas cards at this time of the year. Annually I buy a whole whack of Christmas cards on Boxing Day because I'm cheap and the ones I like are always expensive (though less so when they're 50% off), so I always have them well in advance of the following Christmas season.

This year, however, I was a total slacker. I have successfully avoided Christmas almost entirely, which also means I didn't get around to sending out cards.

Don't think this means I didn't think about you over the last few weeks. I have. I have a lot. I just can't prove that in any tactile way right now. I will try to remedy this somehow over the next two weeks, after which the final stretch of school hell begins and I will disappear for another 4 months.

This was a really fun Christmas, I have to admit. Even without my parents/brother coming down for it, I had a good time. On Christmas Eve I finally made it to the Hard Rock Miners Singalong: Christmas Edition, an annual event that I always wanted to go to but obviously never could. With friends and my sis/bro-in-law combo, I got to sing terribly in public without complaints or looks of pity. My friend tended to my hydration needs while watching "Eagle vs. Shark" and I awoke without a hangover.

Yesterday I went to an afternoon cocktail party that involved a lot of sweets and a modest amount of booze. I decided I probably shouldn't drink since I hadn't eaten much and the combo of sugar and booze scares me. I wound up being the life of the party by laying on my friend's bed for a rest midway through. Maybe I should have had a nap before I went, but it started at noon and I didn't want to be late. In the evening I went to Tinseltown with Tangiene to see "Juno," which was a lot of fun and a good topper to the day. It has two of my favourite crushes: Jason Bateman and Michael Cera. Sigh. Swoon.

Today I'm hoping to make it over to the Irish Heather with Tangiene for bangers & mash and maybe a shot of whisky or the like. Wish I had a hangover to nurse to make it necessary.

*Oh, I was just wondering about RSS feeds. Does anyone want some sort of RSS button to add this to your stream of feeds? I realise it's a bitch checking back to see if I've written anything, but figured readership would drop off anyway. Let me know if you want me to add an RSS link or something.