This summer is all about waiting to see what will happen. I'm having a hard time being patient when other people are in charge of deciding whether or not I'll have enough work to get by. I'm stuck in limbo.
It's been almost 2 weeks since I interviewed for a job. The longer it takes to hear back, the more it feels like I didn't get the job. If I didn't get the job, I have to work my ass off to get enough work to pay next month's rent. If I did get the job... Well, they're sure taking their sweet time about it.
I'm naturally an impatient person. When I saw a counselor, he always asked why I was feeling so anxious at that moment because I was always fiddling or moving my feet or shifting in my seat. It was obvious that I couldn't stay still. And often I catch myself doing these things while waiting for buses or people, when circumstances aren't moving at a speed that I want them to. For a while I was good at monitoring this type of anxiety and working through it, but lately it's impossible. I'm a jumble.
At this point I wonder if they're waiting to tell me after this week because I won't have any shifts for a month. If that's the case, I think it's pretty obvious what the answer is.
These are the times that I realise a healthy habit or hobby would be good, like running. If I ran and only ran when I was feeling anxious, I would be super fit at this point.
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