Saturday, April 17, 2010

on bitterness

Right, so I'm sitting at home instead of dancing. This disappoints me. Instead of exercising to music in a dress, I am sitting in pyjamas like the loser I apparently am.

I just have to accept that, if I want to do stuff like this, I have to do it alone. If I were more self-assured, I should have just walked over to the Astoria by myself and danced by myself and then walked home alone whenever I had enough. I'm just not that person.

I honestly don't have as many friends as people seem to think. My options for socialising are extremely limited because no one really seems to be into anything I like to do. I am alone 90% of the time. And this is why it's not really a big deal for me to be working stupid amounts because, really, it's not like anything would be any better if I had more free time. I'd just have more time to wish things were different.

Am seriously starting to lose it. Days like today make it really hard to remember why I don't disappear in another city. Not like it would be any different than being here, except I'd have a better excuse for not doing anything.

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