on the verge

I think it's time to do my taxes, if only to see if I'll get back enough to pay for rent for June. My anxiety with the uncertainty of work is starting to worry me.

This morning I finally went to the dentist for a checkup. I was upfront about my lack of coverage and that I wasn't sure I'd have a job after April, so really didn't want to pay more than I absolutely had to. The hygienist was very understanding and didn't polish or add fluoride (a $50 savings), and took an x-ray for free of the root canal that my dentist has been watching the last couple of years. When my dentist came to discuss the work that I need to get, I started to get teary. And it was frustrating to cry in front of my fricking dentist because it isn't his fault my stupid teeth suck or that I can't get any sort of stable job. After a brief description of my work situation and the bleak outlook this summer and possibly next fall, he said we'd talk again as soon as I know if anything changes because it has to be dealt with. Then he stopped me on my way out and said, if I was willing, I could likely knock off a bit of the cost if I let him do a study session on my teeth, which involves having a bunch of dentists come and stare at him cutting up my mouth and attaching parts of it in another area of my mouth. That made me feel better. Still don't know how much that would be worth, though.

At work this evening, my supervisor asked how the other jobs are going and it sort of upset me again. She kind of knew the public library wasn't in a good state right now, but she didn't realise how bad it potentially is. Needless to say, I'm applying for more jobs again. And... I think I'm going to apply for a job in Edmonton. I don't necessarily want to move to Edmonton right now, but I also won't be able to afford to live in Vancouver after June if work doesn't pick up drastically, and it seems like there are a lot more interesting postings coming out of Edmonton than in Vancouver.

On the upside, the moon looks remarkable tonight. So enormous and yellow and full. As I walked home from work, I had the awesome 12" vinyl version of "Killing Moon" running through my head. (I once played that version on my radio show and had so many people call in to find out how to get that version that I had to silence the phone line and stay an extra 15 minutes after to answer the calls. It's that good. So awesome.) It makes me think about vampires and death, but everything probably does at this point.